There are two types of people in the world: those for whom the mere mention of small talk inspires dread and despair, and those who take to it like a duckling to a warm bath. 

If you fall into the former camp, it’s quite frustrating that the act of small talk seems to make up so much of our workplace interactions. An ability to have a chit-chat can feel more essential than Excel skills; it’s a necessity for landing a job, networking, getting a promotion, getting in your boss’s good books… the list goes on and on. 

We tend to think of the gift of the gab as something innate, but the truth is that having good chat is a skill that can be built. How, you may ask? That’s where Matt Abrahams comes in. 

Abrahams is a lecturer at Stanford Graduate School of Business, the author of Think Faster, Talk Smarter: How to Speak Successfully When You’re Put on the Spot and Speaking Up Without Freaking Out, and the host of Think Fast, Talk Smart: The Podcast. In short, he is the true expert when it comes to communication in the world of work. 

“In the intricate dance of social interactions, the ability to engage in meaningful small talk – or as some like to call it, schmoozing – can be a game-changer,” he tells Stylist. “Whether you’re navigating a networking event, mingling at a party or just striking up a conversation with a colleague, mastering the art of schmoozing can open doors and create lasting connections.”

Abrahams says there are five simple rules to great small talk, which he shares ahead. 

Abrahams says: “You know that person who can’t stop talking about themselves? Yeah, don’t be that person. The key to successful small talk is putting the spotlight on the other party. People love to share their stories, so let them. Ask open-ended questions, listen actively, and show genuine interest. Trust me, when you make it about them, you become the person everyone wants to talk to.”

This approach can also help you deal with nerves. When you’re feeling anxious about how you’re coming across, switch the focus to the other person. Think about how you can make them feel more comfortable, and you’ll often find that your own discomfort slips away. 

It’s tempting to prep a list of icebreakers and fun facts so you’ll feel more prepared for a big socialising session, but this isn’t the way to form a genuine connection. Instead, go in with some topics in mind and curate the structure of your conversation to make the other person feel heard. 

“My favorite formula for this is What, So What, Now What,” Abrahams recommends. “Start with a point or argument (What), add significance to it (So What), and suggest a course of action or inquire about theirs (Now What). It’s like a mini storytelling session that keeps the conversation flowing and engaging. Craft your content and you’ll never be at a loss for words.”

“Let’s be real – the standard ‘how are you?’ can lead to the most yawn-inducing loop of conversations,” says Abrahams. “Break free from the mundane! When initiating small talk, skip the clichés. 

“Comment on the environment, share a quirky observation or ask about their thoughts on a relevant topic. Be the conversation starter who adds a spark to the chat. Trust me; it’s way more interesting than the usual script.”

No one wants to be stuck in a chat with someone that just won’t end. The answer is not just pretending you need the loo or darting your eyes around the room hoping to spot someone you recognise. Instead, try the ‘white flag’ approach. 

“This is all about leaving on a high note,” Abrahams explains. “Express gratitude for the conversation, show you’ve been engaged, and end with a thoughtful question. It could be about their experiences, opinions, or even recommendations. This way, you’re not just exiting; you’re leaving a positive and lasting impression.”

“Here’s a secret: nobody’s perfect, especially in small talk,” says Abrahams. “Embrace the imperfections, and you’ll feel the weight lift off your shoulders. Small talk is a two-way street; it’s not just about what you say but how you make others feel. If you stumble on your words or say something offbeat, laugh it off. Small talk is about building connections, not delivering a flawless monologue. Be authentic, be yourself and watch the magic happen.”

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Images: Getty