Think back to the last difficult conversation you had at work. Whether it was diffusing a situation after a mistake or working on a project with a colleague that you don’t get on with, we’ve all been there.

These talks can be awkward and anxiety-inducing, and most of us will go out of our way to avoid confrontation, especially in the workplace. Research has found that 57% of people say they would do almost anything to avoid a difficult conversation at work, with half saying they would rather put up with a negative situation than talk about it.

But sometimes, these conversations are inevitable, especially if you’re dealing with a boss or colleague with whom you don’t always see eye to eye. “The workplace is a melting pot of different generations, cultures and backgrounds, so personalities and communication styles can differ wildly,” explains Victoria McLean, CEO and founder of career consultancy City CV. “Sometimes they clash, leading to misaligned expectations or unspoken tensions and difficult conversations are the result.”

In order to move past issues we’re facing, we have to tackle them. “Situations become challenging when people are on different pages and things can quickly feel personal,” says McLean. “The key is recognising that most issues arise from a simple breakdown in communication, not personal intent.”

Need to approach a tricky subject but not sure where to start? Three career experts advise the following steps.

Very few of us like confrontation, so if there’s a difficult conversation coming up, get ready for it as best as you can. “Preparation is everything,” McLean says. “Anxiety can be quelled when you know the facts, are clear about the outcomes you want and have considered potential reactions you might encounter. This immediately makes someone look and feel more self-assured.”

A lot of the time, people become defensive when they feel they aren’t being listened to. So, take the time to make sure you’re acknowledging their views. “Use short verbal and non-verbal acknowledgements while the other person is speaking,” suggests Amy Carroll, a communication coach, author and podcast host. “When they pause, briefly summarise what you heard them say.”

Carroll explains that doing this has four key benefits: it allows someone to clarify what you want to say, confirms you have heard them correctly, offers empathy and buys you time to think about what you’ll say next.

Communications might break down because you don’t understand why a colleague or boss has acted in the way they have, but rather than come to your own conclusions about why this happened, you should ask them. 

“Be curious about why someone has behaved in a particular way and try to understand and work with them to find a solution and a way forward,” explains Jessica Brewer, founder of Emiz HR & Coaching. “Other than when dealing with facts, try not to make assumptions but concentrate on specifics and the impact. The old saying ‘we judge others by their impact and ourselves by our intentions’ is very true, and that’s where being curious can be really helpful.”

During your conversation and after, you’ll need to try and find a resolution to the conflict, and empathy is everything here. “None of us are mind-readers – we can’t know all the motivations or personal factors that drive someone,” notes McLean. “We must always approach conversations with compassion, confidence and a problem-solving mindset. Find the solution, don’t lay the blame. When there’s mutual respect, even the toughest conversations are easier to navigate.”

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