If you do an office job, you’ve been there. You’re 10 minutes into a meeting and your eyes have already glazed over. If it’s a video call, you’re trying your best to surreptitiously look at other windows without breaking eye contact with the camera. If it’s IRL, you’re internally grumbling. This meeting is completely pointless. You haven’t said a word, you’ve got nothing to bring to the table, all the information being shared is irrelevant to what you do, and worst of all, there are so many other, better things that you could be doing with your time. You message your equally exasperated colleague: “WHY ARE WE HERE??” and “Ughhhhh free me.” 

In an ideal world, you would simply click ‘leave’ or run out of the room so you can get back to using your time more effectively. But you have to be here… right?

Well, maybe not. 

The truth is that in most workplaces, you should be able to say when a meeting isn’t the best use of your time… and simply up and leave. The tricky thing is facing the potential for awkwardness or resistance. You might even receive a ‘No, you need to sit back down and sit through the hour.’ But the good news is that speaking up about meetings that are inefficient or unproductive gets easier the more you do it, and it has a net positive impact. If you’re frequently excusing yourself from a meeting, this will likely prompt those in charge to take a look at what’s going wrong with the meetings they’re running.

So in principle, you can remove yourself from a meeting that isn’t serving you. How do you do that, though? Or more specifically, how do you do that in a way that won’t make people see you as a skiver or rude but instead accept it in the way it was intended: as a genuine desire for everyone to use their time in the best possible way at work? Let’s get into it. 

Do it before the meeting happens

It’s much, much easier to decline an invitation to a meeting than it is to remove yourself from it once the chat kicks off. Israa Nasir, a psychotherapist and author of Toxic Productivity: Reclaim Your Time And Emotional Energy In A World That Always Demands More, has a great tip for doing this: ask for the agenda of a meeting the second the invite arrives. Nasir advises: “You can say: ‘May I take a look at the agenda so I can be prepared?’ Upon reviewing the agenda, you can discern if this is relevant/necessary for you. Then you can decline, explaining honestly that it’s not aligned with your role/scope/deliverables, and if you want, offer an alternative, eg ask for something specific that they are looking to you for. 

“Explain your reasons in a way that shows respect for others’ time. This helps normalise the idea that meetings should only involve those who can add or gain value. This also helps make it less personal, ie about you, and more about the organisational structure. For example: ’Thank you for sending the agenda – I reviewed it and feel this meeting might be outside of my scope right now. If there’s something specific you need from me, I’d be happy to follow up via email or in another way. If you still need me to attend, I’m happy to do so, but I want to make sure I’m adding value to the conversation.’”

Be sure the meeting isn’t valuable

To have the confidence to say ‘Nope, not for me,’ you’ll need to be really secure in the knowledge that a meeting genuinely won’t be a good use of your time. It’d be pretty awkward if you dipped out of a meeting and then had to crawl back afterwards to ask for all the information delivered or to complain that you weren’t involved in a big decision. 

Charlie O’Brien, head of people at Breathe HR, tells Stylist: “Get really clear on your priorities and hold yourself to account on whether a) you really don’t need to be in a meeting or b) you simply aren’t in the mood and would prefer to skip it.” She says we should ask ourselves a few questions to suss out if a meeting is necessary: 

• What is the purpose of this meeting? 
• What topics will be discussed? 
• What is my role? 
• Would my absence affect the outcomes or my learning/progression? 

“Don’t hesitate to ask what your role is in a meeting and what it will be covering ahead of time,” O’Brien adds. 

“If there is no direct action item for you related to your deliverables or if the meeting’s agenda and goals are not aligned with your workstream, attending the meeting may not be the best use of your time and resources,” agrees Nasir. “Additionally, consider the decision-making that will take place in the meeting. If there is no specific decision you are involved in, need to be aware of or that concerns your deliverables, team or dependencies on other teams/projects, it is unlikely to be productive for both you and the team as a whole. If it is misaligned with your role, ask yourself: is this a decision-making meeting and do I have the power to make that decision? Is this a working meeting, but my role is to make decisions? Does this meeting need my expertise or approval?”

Don’t lie

It’s tempting to avoid the awkwardness and decline meetings with an excuse. I’m in a different meeting at that time, I have to run to a doctor’s appointment, my laptop camera and mic have mysteriously stopped working at the same time – that sort of thing. Resist that temptation. Not only is the risk of getting caught not worth the stress, but fibbing means the root issue – being invited to a bunch of meetings that are useless time sucks (also known as ’vampire tasks’) – will never be resolved for you or anyone else. 

Nasir tells Stylist: “Lying about why you’re leaving may seem like an easy way out and can work in some situations, maybe once in a while. But if done regularly, it can backfire if others notice a discrepancy in your schedule (it happens!) or if the truth comes out another way. It’s better to be upfront and professional, focusing on the value you bring to the meeting and setting healthy time boundaries.”

In the moment, say this 

“If you’re in a meeting and realise that the discussion isn’t useful to you, politely raise your hand and ask if anyone has anything they need to ask you specifically,” O’Brien suggests. “If the answer is no, let them know that you have other time-sensitive pieces of work that you need to complete, and ask if they’re happy for you to jump off. You could flag that you’d be happy to pick up the discussion offline if anybody needs something specific from you.”

Showing courtesy and a willingness to help out is key. Criticising the meeting in the moment isn’t a great idea – you’re not saying that the meeting is pointless, silly or boring (even if it is, don’t say that) in essence, but that it isn’t beneficial for you, at least not at this time or in this format. 

O’Brien adds: “My modus operandi when doing this is to be clear, honest and direct about my reason for declining, such as having other time-sensitive priorities. If relevant, I’ll share these priorities with my colleagues so they understand my decision.” 

Offer an alternative

If the meeting isn’t totally irrelevant to you, but is perhaps not worth a full hour of your time, it can be helpful to offer up an alternative way for you to be involved. Perhaps you could say in advance that you’ll join a meeting for the final 15 minutes, that you’ll email over your thoughts or that you’ll catch up with one person at a time that works better for you both. 

This is also a worthwhile approach to take if you notice that even relevant meetings aren’t working for you. Many people, especially those who are neurodivergent, will find that a live, group setting simply doesn’t suit the way their brains work. They might be better at communicating with written words or with time alone to think through a challenge. That should be OK! If you discover this is the case for you, have a chat with your manager about potential adjustments to allow you to work better and come up with ideas about what this might look like. 

Do a time audit

It helps to have data on exactly how much time you might be wasting in meetings that aren’t helpful. “Keep a list of all your current priorities and do regular time audits on how much time is spent on certain projects and meetings,” says Nasir. “This will allow you to see where you can actually spend your time more efficiently.” 

O’Brien seconds this: “I’d recommend doing a quick audit of the meetings in your diary: how much do you contribute to your regular meetings, and which ones don’t add clear value?”

You can also show your findings to your manager to ask for change. If you can present evidence that attending an hour-long meeting every Wednesday is limiting your ability to get work done, that should go a long way in provoking a shift. 

If you’re reading this as someone not currently trapped in a pointless meeting, but as someone who has the power to change things in your workplace, there are steps you can and should be taking. 

Communicate meeting guidelines

Nasir recommends having clear guidelines on meeting culture in your workplace and making sure these are communicated widely. “Outline mandatory meetings and communicate clear criteria for opting out of meetings,” she says. An example of how to do this might be to send an officewide email stating explicitly that if anyone is ticking off the below criteria, they are able to skip a meeting: 

• It’s a meeting about a decision and you’re not directly involved in the decision-making
• Your expertise isn’t needed
• You won’t learn something critical to your role
• You’ve completed your contribution to a project already
• You have an urgent task to complete 

Of course, it’s not just about criteria for not attending meetings – team leaders can also be proactive in communicating ‘rules’ to improve meetings in general. Those rules might include never scheduling a meeting without a clear agenda, not booking meetings on a certain day and always asking if a meeting could instead be an email (sometimes it should be, sometimes it’s better as a meeting – it’s always good to ask the question).

Lead by example

“It’s important to understand that your time is valuable,” says O’Brien. “While we’ll all have to sit in on meetings that could have been emails from time to time, taking steps to prioritise effectively and work smart is a great skill to develop in yourself and others. By sharing my own experiences of opting out of non-essential meetings, I normalise this practice within my team. 

“However, as a manager, I make sure to set clear boundaries. Simply avoiding a meeting out of boredom or lack of interest is not a valid excuse. I ensure to communicate this with my team so they understand when it is appropriate to miss a meeting and when it is not. By establishing clear expectations, you trust that your employees can assess the value of a meeting and choose wisely whether to participate or not. This way, managers can feel comfortable knowing that everyone has a mutual understanding and can manage their time effectively.”

Empower your team to have a say in how they spend their time

Managers: give people the autonomy to suss out how to best use their time at work – and trust them unless they prove you wrong. O’Brien says: “Getting comfortable with giving team members the autonomy to step out of unproductive meetings is an incredible gift as it creates a culture of trust and gives people confidence in their own ability to prioritise and manage their time.”

Take regular meeting audits

Create space for changing the way you’re doing things. Nasir advises: “At a team meeting, invite a discussion on the outcomes and purpose of the meeting. Sometimes meetings begin in earnest and then become redundant. Be a changemaker at your workplace. Advocate for shorter, more targeted meetings that involve only necessary stakeholders. If your workplace culture encourages long, unfocused meetings, champion a shift toward streamlined collaboration tools (eg asynchronous communication or shorter meetings with clear agendas). 

“If you are in charge of any specific meetings, build in a regular check-in about the purposes or outcomes of the meeting. Do an audit of the invitees and sort through if its relevant to their roles. Have concise meetings with clear agendas and action items. Utilising other tools like Slack, email and digital note-takers can often be helpful to streamline work during meetings.”

Tackle presenteeism

Are you falling into the trap of judging team members based on how visible they are or how much time they spend at work, rather than their results? Ask what you really value: is it really that important for someone to ‘show their face’ in meetings? Does it matter if a worker isn’t in meetings or at their desk if they’re getting brilliant work done?

“Think about your work as being more than attendance, and focus on contribution,” says Nasir. “Your value isn’t measured by how many meetings you attend, but by the impact and contributions you make. Measure progress, not hours worked. Set clear KPIs for your direct reports and assess their performance on those. This helps prevent micromanaging or presenteeism because you have a bird’s eye view of the work and don’t need to be in their day-to-day workstreams, giving instructions.”

Want more advice on how to make your working life better? Sign up to the How To Work email below and make sure to book tickets to Stylist Live, which this year will have a stage dedicated to being more efficient at work. 

Images: Adobe