From holding our hands up to answer a question in school to pitching ideas in our morning office briefings, putting ourselves out there can be really daunting. But it needn’t be. We often think that self-belief is something we’re born with, but it’s a skill that can be learned and practised.

It’s also important to remember that even those who seem to exude self-assuredness also experience self-doubt. The difference is, they know how to manage and quell it. 

And nobody knows that better than writer, comedian and TV and radio presenter Viv Groskop, the host of the chart-topping podcast How To Own The Room. The bestselling author of six books, including her most recent, Happy High Status, shared her top tips for conquering self-doubt on the Work Life with Google stage at today’s Stylist Live, and her approach dialled down to four letters: ABCD.

Here’s how to use the ABCD approach to tackle self-doubt with ease. 

The ABCD approach is a mnemonic that helps us to remember four simple tips: always put yourself first, be careful what you let in, cultivate evidence and don’t make it about you. 

A: always put yourself first

Learning to prioritise yourself and what you need to perform at your best is the first step towards building self-confidence, Groskop explained.

“You can’t focus on anyone else or what’s going on around you until you first focus on yourself,” she said. “You need to always put yourself first so you can get out of your own way, which is something I learned for myself when I first started performing standup comedy 15 years ago. I went from being a journalist to being a standup comedian, and I was clueless and nervous a lot of the time.”

She continued: “In those days, I was very often focused on myself: what will people think of me? How will I come across? Is this going to be OK? And I had to learn to put myself first, so I would always think: have I done my hair in a way so that I can forget about it? Have I got my make-up sorted (or not sorted) in a way that just feels like me? Have I done the crap I need to do so I feel prepared for this?”

B: be careful what you let in

Outside influences can make a big difference to how you feel about yourself, so being careful about who (or what) you let in is an important step towards being your most confident self.

“Once you’ve put yourself first and are in a good place – I call this ‘Happy High Status’, a place of ego-free confidence where you’re ready for anything – you’ve got to be careful about who and what you let in,” Groskop explained, referencing an interview she did with Hilary Clinton, who said not making a plan for how to deal with Donald Trump – and letting him invade her space during debates – was one of the greatest regrets of her career.

But being careful about what you let in isn’t just about external people and things – it can also refer to your inner critic, Groskop added. “Often, I’m not so bothered by what other people think of me, but I’ve allowed that voice in my head to go, ‘Oh, that isn’t a very nice yellow on you; it doesn’t work,’” she said. “There’s always that voice, so the person you might need to protect yourself from is often you.”

C: cultivate evidence

This step is all about collecting the receipts that confirm your brilliance.

“One of the most striking things I’ve learned from hosting my podcast, How To Own The Room, for the last five years is the value of building up a bank of evidence about who you are in terms of what you’ve achieved,” Groskop said.

“I first learned about this from the business thinker Margaret Heffernan, who is an amazingly inspiring woman. She was very scathing about the cult of self-belief that we’re all encouraged to embrace; slogans like ‘I believe I can fly’ make a great T-shirt or hashtag, but in real life you need the receipts.”

What you choose to cultivate depends on what you need: it might be direct words of praise from a manager or friend, or simply examples of things you’ve done well over the last week. 

D: don’t make it about you

You need to always put yourself first, but that doesn’t mean everything needs to be about you. It’s about striking a fine balance – you want to shine bright while also making space for others and being open and honest.

“We always think that confidence is about showing how great we are – about making sure that nobody can hurt us and that we’re the brightest light in the room – but we don’t really like those kinds of people, anyway,” Groskop said.

“Instead, we believe in people who have vulnerability – who talk openly and honestly. And the way to have this kind of real confidence is to take the focus off of yourself and put it on other people. So instead of thinking, ‘I’m not confident enough,’ it’s thinking about how you can give confidence to other people who don’t feel enough.”

With this helpful guidance, we’re certainly well on our way to reducing anxiety and enhancing our presence. 

Images: ShotbyFarheenxo