When we mess up, it’s only natural to want to cover our tracks, hide the evidence and pretend like nothing happened – especially when we’re at work. After all, we may worry that our boss and colleagues will judge us for our mistakes and we’ll lose their confidence. Or, worst case scenario, we might even be fired.

Of course, it’s often possible to recover from a mistake and make things better before anyone really notices something has gone wrong. However, in most cases, workplace mistakes can’t be concealed forever. In fact, the longer we try to hide them, the worse they tend to become.

Nevertheless, owning our mistakes and apologising at work is notoriously difficult. And when we finally do muster up the courage to issue an apology, we rarely manage to do it very effectively. We might find ourselves stammering through the apology, our eyes fixed on the ground. Or, we might preface our apology with an excuse. Or, we might even thrust the blame onto a colleague. While we Brits may be famous for saying “sorry”, we’re often not very good at it.

We spoke with Noël Wolf, linguistic and cultural expert at Babbel, to get to the bottom of our apology problem and find out how we should be conducting our apologies at work.

Saying sorry isn’t easy – but it is important

Here in the UK, the word ‘sorry’ is tossed around extremely frequently. In fact, according to a 2016 survey, the average person says the word about eight times a day – sometimes to inanimate objects.

However, even though we seem to be apologising all the time, giving a good apology at work isn’t exactly easy.

“Owning our mistakes at work can be a challenging endeavour due to a combination of psychological, social and cultural factors,” Wolf notes. “Firstly, the fear of negative consequences plays a pivotal role. Many individuals worry that admitting mistakes could lead to damaging their reputation, impacting career advancement or even facing disciplinary actions.” 

She adds, “The competitive nature of modern workplaces further exacerbates this fear, as the pressure to consistently excel creates an environment where acknowledging errors feels like a personal failure.”

Fear of apologising can also come from embedded cultural norms. “In cultures that value perfection or emphasise saving face, admitting mistakes might be seen as a sign of weakness or incompetence,” says Wolf.

Wolf also suggests that we may have natural biases that prevent us from owning our mistakes even to ourselves.

“Cognitive biases may lead us to attribute our mistakes to external factors rather than acknowledging our own actions, allowing us to avoid taking direct responsibility,” she says. “Overcoming these hurdles requires fostering a culture that values transparency, learning from mistakes and promoting personal growth over fault-finding, enabling individuals to more readily own up to their errors without undue anxiety.”

Good apologies are hard to come by

Because apologising is so hard, when we do it, we often do it badly.

“In the context of the office, several common apologising mistakes can hinder effective communication and strain workplace relationships,” says Wolf.

Here are a few of the main reasons our workplace apologies tend to fall flat.

• Resorting to generic apologies. This “can render the apology insincere and superficial”, as Wolf puts it. 
• Trying to avoid responsibility by deflecting blame onto our colleagues or onto external factors. This can have the effect of “undermining the authenticity of the apology”. 
• Over-apologising. “This can dilute the impact of genuine apologies and potentially diminish one’s credibility,” Wolf says.
• Adding conditions to our apologies. “Saying ‘I’m sorry if you were offended’ can come across as non-committal and fail to convey genuine remorse,” Wolf explains. 
• Waiting too long. “Timing also plays a crucial role, as delaying an apology might be perceived as indifference or an attempt to evade accountability,” Wolf says. 

Crafting the perfect workplace apology

It’s clear that apologising at work (and doing it properly) is not an easy task. However, Wolf has a few tips on how to avoid the common apology pitfalls to craft a sincere, simple apology that works.

Preparation

Spend some time thinking about why you’re apologising. Own your mistakes.

“Preparation acts as the foundation, requiring self-reflection to grasp the full scope of the mistake and its implications,” says Wolf. “This introspective phase aids in framing the apology authentically.”

Understanding the culture

“Understanding cultural nuances is paramount, as each workplace comprises a mosaic of backgrounds,” Wolf adds. “Tailoring the apology to align with cultural norms ensures it’s well-received and respectful.”

Crafting the content of your apology

Structure your apology carefully. “Begin with a clear acknowledgement of the error, followed by taking responsibility unequivocally,” suggests Wolf. “Expressing remorse and regret reflects emotional intelligence.”

Then, offer a solution. “Proposing corrective actions underscores personal growth and commitment to rectification,” she adds.

Choose your timing

“When it comes to delivery, timing is paramount,” Wolf says. “Addressing the mistake promptly displays accountability and prevents the situation from escalating.”

Be sincere

Avoid any excuses, sarcasm or beating around the bush. “The delivery itself must strike a chord of sincerity, directness and transparency.”

Apologising to your colleagues or boss may be daunting, but trust us – by owning your mistake and coming clean, you’ll not only be more likely to actually resolve the issue, you’ll probably gain some respect, too.

Image: Getty