“We have one nightmare colleague who the entire company seems to keep at arm’s length due to her reputation for being hard, unforgiving and a bit of a shark when it comes to business. The thing is, I get on really well with her. Will I get tarred by the same brush by association, or should I keep my wits about me and steer clear like everyone else?”

There doesn’t appear to be a strongly compelling reason for you to steer clear of this woman. She might not win the next Miss Congeniality contest but that’s no grounds to drop her if you really are friends. You’re an independent person and entitled to make your own choices. 

The way you describe this woman’s business acumen suggests she could be one of the reasons behind your company’s success. A neutral person might even regard her as a calm, collected and calculating operator – something that would make her very attractive to most bosses. I suspect the problem may lie in the fact that she is lacking in the softer skills, such as humour, friendliness and empathy.

I once worked with a woman very similar to your unpopular colleague. She was hugely successful at what she did but was not liked by her teammates. Her laser-like focus and unemotive personality meant that she got results without inspiring any group support. She was happily married with a family but chose not to share that softer side of her character with her coworkers. As a consequence, she wasn’t a good influence in the workplace so the bosses minimised her management responsibilities. This freed her up to focus on her financial targets and she didn’t seem to care that she ate lunch alone most days. Like you, I always got along pretty well with this socially challenging person. I think I admired her achievements and the clarity with which she worked. However, the truth of the matter was that, deep down, although we got along professionally, I wasn’t sure how much I actually liked her. I respected her but I didn’t want to hang out with her outside of work.

Your situation feels a bit similar. This kind of hyper-focused person tends not to thrive in many group environments. She displays the classic characteristics of the introvert personality who finds group interactions quite exhausting. In other words, she concentrates on what she’s good at and pays less attention to her weaknesses.

Because you seem to have the social ability to get along with all types, you are well placed to help your unpopular colleague. Instead of worrying about what others think of your relationship, you can possibly help bridge the gap between the factions. A successful work environment is not the same as any other social grouping and is often deliberately made up of different personalities and skill sets. Remaining neutral and being friendly with all sorts is a strength and can help unite the teams into one camp, all working together for the success of the company.

You appear to have the skills to be this unifying force in your workplace. You can see the world from differing points of view and have the ability to get along with everyone. This is a skill that should propel you far in your career. Befriending the one person who’s a social outcast should help minimise hostility and bitchiness around her. I think you should harness this skill and relish your positive influence. With any luck, your popularity will soften the edges of any divisions and lead to a more harmonious atmosphere across your company

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