You’re standing in a room full of smartly dressed people who are all chatting away, while you loiter nervously by the buffet and scan the room for someone to talk to. Networking events can be a valuable way to make important connections for your career, but many people find them intimating or awkward.

How can we feel confident and make the most of networking events? Stylist speaks to the experts to help you get more from these opportunities.

Networking can be valuable whether you’re making connections to help get your business off the ground or hoping to build your reputation in the sector in which you work.

“I’ve attended lots of networking events in the past, and have seen relationships start and develop from those initial meetings,” explains Gemma Whalley, head of marketing and events at Staffordshire Chambers of Commerce, which hold regular networking events.

“Doing business with others requires trust and integrity, and what better way to determine these qualities than to meet someone in person,” Whalley says. “When you enter a networking room you start from the same point as everyone else. You are not judged on how fancy your website is, or how prestigious your company building is, you are judged on your knowledge, skills, openness and honesty, and this is why it can be so helpful to careers.”

As helpful as networking can be, it can be incredibly daunting.

“There can be a pressure to perform, presenting ourselves as our best self and perhaps winning business or making connections. This pressure, either if placed on us externally or if it comes from high standards we set ourselves, raises our anxiety,” explains Michaela Thomas, clinical psychologist and author of The Lasting Connection.

“The level of anxiety we feel is also linked to self-focused attention – if you focus lots on how you look and sound, then you’ll become hyperaware of everything from your sweaty palms to your shaky voice. That makes those symptoms of anxiety even worse.”

The solution: shake off the pressure to be perfect, accept that nerves are normal and practise some self-soothing techniques, such as breathing exercises or a quick meditation session, before you head in. 

“Speak to yourself with kindness and compassion, telling yourself that lots of people are nervous and that it is a contrived situation, so no wonder you feel uncomfortable,” suggests Thomas.

“Knowing you’re not the only one can take the pressure off and allow you a few moments to ease into the situation. Tell yourself that even people you admire can get nervous, and remind yourself that the build-up of anticipation anxiety is often worse than the event itself.”

“It’s advisable to do some background research before attending a networking event,” says Whalley. This can include finding out who else may be there and what kind of areas they work in. Think too about what you want to get out of the networking event.

“It can be helpful to practise telling your friend or family what you do or what your mission is, so you get comfortable talking about it,” adds Thomas.

If you start to feel a flutter of butterflies as you arrive, Thomas suggests you stand tall, with your back straight and your gaze straight ahead, rather than looking down at the floor.

“Talk to yourself with a kind inner voice, encouraging yourself for being brave rather than telling yourself off for feeling anxious. Allow the feelings to be there and then do something which is in line with what you want to achieve, like talk to another person.”

Perhaps the hardest part of networking is sparking up a conversation with a stranger.

“As a natural introvert, I have to get over my natural reaction to hide by the coffee station or only talk to the people I know,” says Whalley. “It’s important to remember that everyone else is in the same boat. If you’re nervous, approach someone and ask them questions about their business. Everyone is there to talk about themselves, and they will be thankful for the opportunity you gave them to do that. When they have finished, it will be your turn.

“Don’t go straight for the sales pitch. Networking will feel more authentic and natural if you reveal a little about yourself and ask a few not-too-personal questions about the person you are talking to. It’s much nicer to network with people that you have something naturally in common with, rather than reciting the marketing spiel from your company website. Remember, people buy from people.”

“Maybe pick someone who looks a bit lost or nervous too – you may find a kindred spirit,” Thomas says. “Tell yourself that you don’t have to achieve anything with this interaction, that the big win is the approach itself.”

Thomas emphasises the importance of getting the contact details of the person you want to connect with, rather than just leaving yours. This way you have influence over initiating contact after the event, rather than worrying about whether they will reach out to you. 

If mingling is intimidating, speed networking may be for you. This is where all participants are rotated so you get to speak to everyone in a structured setting, rather than having to find people to speak to yourself.

“It provides you with your conversation starters and ensures you meet everyone present,” Whalley explains. “The host will also ask pertinent questions that you may not feel comfortable asking other people, such as: ‘What is the most challenging aspect of your role?’ This will allow you a deeper understanding of the delegates and the sectors that they represent, without you needing to do the hard work. After the speed networking rounds have finished you will have the opportunity to find the people you want to chat with most and carry on the conversation in a more natural way.”

Places like your local chamber of commerce or other business organisations often run speed networking events – have a look online and see what there is. 

“Follow up with an email as soon as you get back to the office, while the conversations and connections are still fresh in your mind,” Whalley advises. “Ideally arrange a follow-up call or in-person meeting to further develop the relationship.”

Slip on your favourite shirt, think about what you want to get from the event, and remind yourself that you can do this.

Images: Getty