“My colleague and I joined the company around the same time and have very similar responsibilities, but they constantly treat me like they’re on a rung above. They take it upon themselves to critique my work and make suggestions, even when the projects I’m dealing with don’t require their input. How can I – politely – tell them to back off before I scream?”

This feels like a nasty case of passive-aggressive behaviour. I keep trying to understand what is motivating your colleague to behave in this way. My only conclusion is that perhaps they lack your ability to do the job, and a profound sense of insecurity is at the root of their problem. This isn’t to excuse them but it’s a possible reason for their hubris. Nonetheless, I am in awe of the restraint you have shown up to now.

Joining the company at the same time as each other with similar job descriptions was bound to set the pair of you in competition with each other. You don’t give any hints of struggling with your responsibilities and perhaps that is unnerving for someone in a similar role. It’s possible that, contrary to their crass attempts at acting as your superior, this colleague is actually intimidated by the ease with which you seem to manage your role. Even if I’m wrong about this, it’s a good way for you to think about the problem.

With this thought in mind, the next time this person tries to interfere or undermine you in any way at all, I would recommend pulling them aside for a quiet but firm conversation. Say something like: I’ve noticed that you seem to enjoy critiquing my work. I am sure you mean well, but I would really prefer if you wouldn’t do it as I am getting sufficient feedback from my line manager. I promise to ask if I need your help.

This conversation should flush out a response from them that explains why they have been acting in such an annoying way towards you. As you’ve spelt out that they are not your line manager, this should at least embarrass them into some sort of explanation and they’ll hopefully offer you a fulsome apology. If they protest about “just wanting to help”, then reiterate that you already have all of the guidance you need from those who are senior to you. This way, you are getting the message across that you two are in fact of equal status.  

If you daren’t have this kind of face-to-face confrontation, then I would recommend sending a polite email expressing the same sentiments. In writing, you can be even more forthcoming, explaining why it’s confusing for you and others to have your work analysed in this unsolicited fashion. You can emphasise that your projects are being closely monitored by various reporting structures and the last thing you need is unwanted advice from a different source. Essentially, you are communicating a simple message: “Thanks but no thanks – I’ve got this.”

On a side note, it’s important to realise that throughout your career you will find that it’s a positive experience to enjoy the input of colleagues. It’s helpful to get ideas and POVs on work before it is shown to managers and clients. But this is a process that should happen gradually and always be a two-way street. And it’s obviously polite only to offer opinions and ideas about others’ work when invited to do so.  

While you might want to scream and rage at this colleague and are potentially feeling humiliated if any of these critiquing sessions take place in front of others, it is always best to confront a potential conflict with dignity while firmly shutting down the irritation. With the admirable restraint you have shown up to now, I should think you will have no problem finding your way through this slice of workplace life.  

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