We’ve all been there: passed over for a promotion at work or had that super-awkward “thanks, but no thanks” call after a job interview we thought had gone really well. There are no two ways about it: rejection in the workplace stings. We can feel humiliated and bruised, and our self-esteem takes a hit.

But before you crawl into a hole of self-loathing and shame, there are ways to lessen the blow – and they might even help you get that coveted promotion next time around. 

Here’s our guide to bouncing back from career rejection and coming back stronger than ever, according to the experts. 

Why is rejection in the workplace so tough? 

We’re used to dealing with rejection in our social lives, and while it still stings, it somehow it feels easier to admit to than a work-related failure. It’s one thing to tell your mates you’ve been dumped, and quite another to confess you’ve been overlooked for a promotion (again) or been let go.

But the irony is that a career rejection is much less personal than a ‘social’ snub, as confidence coach Jenna O’Keefe explains.

“Few things feel more painful than the sting of rejection, but it’s important to remember that it’s very rarely personal,” she says. “Think of a time when you might have had to reject somebody; flipping that perspective helps us see that there’s actually nothing wrong with us, it’s just something wasn’t right.”

It can be difficult to not take things personally when faced with rejection, but do try to recognise that there are many other factors at play that have little or nothing to do with your personality.

“If you didn’t get the job you went for, take a step back and review your performance on the day and not your personality,” advises Anji McGrandles, founder of workplace wellness company The Mind Tribe. “On reflection, you might realise you were under prepared or didn’t sell your experience and skills enough.”  

Talk it through with someone (then close it down)

Talking things through with a trusted colleague or friend will help to take the sting out of the initial feeling of rejection – plus, it’ll make it easier for others to open up to you when they’re in the same position.

A word of warning: don’t bad-mouth anyone and make sure you move on afterwards.

“Take the opportunity to get things off your chest with a friend then move on,” says McGrandles. “Nobody likes a moaner and holding on to things won’t change what’s happened so close it down and move forward.”

Allow yourself to feel disappointment – but not shame

First, let yourself be disappointed. If you were excited about a promotion or a new job that didn’t work out, you need to let yourself grieve the imagined future before you can move on in any meaningful way – so go easy on yourself.

And remember, there’s no shame in stumbling. As in life, setbacks in your career are unavoidable – and the most successful people you know will have endured plenty.

“Trust me when I can say that all careers, even the most glittering, have had their rejections and down moments,” says Zoe Stones, co-founder and CEO of career tech company Ambr. “It’s just that no one talks about it.”

If you find yourself spiralling into negative thought patterns and self-flagellation, try interrupting your brain by questioning these thoughts.

“One ‘negative’ thought can very quickly spiral and this can be the onset of heavy feelings of shame, embarrassment and bitterness,” says O’Keefe. “One tip to combat this is to notice the beginning of that spiral and instead interrupt your thinking with three questions that help you shift your perspective. Do I actually believe these thoughts? What is the reality of this situation? How can I choose to see this differently?”

Before you know it, you’ll have shifted into a more positive and resilient mindset, ready for your next chapter. 

Use rejection as a catalyst for change

Once you’ve moved past the humiliation stage, it’s time to put those emotions to positive use.

“Sometimes rejection can be the catalyst for us to realise what we really want and what’s really important to us,” says Stones. “It can push us to try something new – you never know, you might even look back in the future and be glad it didn’t work out.”

Looking at the bigger picture can help to ease the sting of rejection and help you get back on your feet – and before you know it, another fabulous opportunity might have come along.

It can help to consider why you’re so disappointed, as this will help you to pinpoint what you actually want.

“Try to work out what was most exciting to you about the job – was it the money, the opportunity to work with someone you really look up to or just because it would look great on your LinkedIn profile?” asks Stones. “It can be really useful to think deeply about why you wanted this job, and this knowledge can help you navigate what you want to do in the future.”

Learn from the experience

We know – this is a tough one. But asking for feedback (if you can bear it) can be a great learning process.

“Ask for constructive feedback about the rejection,” advises McGrandles. “For example, if you were overlooked for a promotion, find out why. Schedule a meeting with your manager and ask for some feedback. Find out how you can improve your skill set and the areas you need to focus on to be considered next time.”

As well as helping you deal with the disappointment, this is an excellent way to demonstrate your emotional maturity and willingness to accept feedback – qualities any boss will love. 

Images: Getty