“I’m finding working in my tight-knit office really difficult since getting a new boss who really seems to dislike me. She rarely engages in conversation, has a very haughty tone when we do have to converse and hasn’t seemed to warm to me whatsoever. Do I have to work alongside someone who clearly doesn’t want to work with me, or should I offer an olive branch of sorts?”

Before you write her off as your arch-enemy, It might be helpful for you to stand in this woman’s shoes for a while. She’s the newbie in your tightly knit group and, albeit your boss, is possibly struggling to find her way. Being top dog to a small, potentially cliquey group of workmates can be a very intimidating proposition. Try to recall your first day in any job you’ve ever had. For most of us, it’s a pretty nerve-racking experience. I was never able to sleep the night before most of my own first days, whether I was the boss or not. 

I used to have so many pangs of insecurity, thoughts such as, ’Have I made a terrible mistake?’ blended with ’Will I be good enough?’ and ’Did I oversell myself in my interview?’ These anxieties would quickly be joined by: ’What shall I wear on my first day?’ and ’Will anyone like me?’ It was essentially imposter syndrome to the max.

I wouldn’t be at all surprised if I came across on some of those occasions as “haughty”. I probably wasn’t exuding the warmth that would have been my natural personality in a more familiar setting. When anxiety and insecurity collide in any situation, the real person is hidden by the mask shielding the sheer terror that’s happening inside of the brain. Your boss’s manner could just as easily indicate shyness, nervousness or just an indication that she’s wary of being too friendly too quickly. It seems very doubtful to me that she would have decided so fast that she doesn’t want to work with you.

I think it would make sense for you to show a little understanding and empathy for your new boss. You have nothing to lose by giving her the benefit of the doubt and trying to impress her until such time as you get to know the real person beneath the ‘new boss’ persona. It is in your interest to make a massive effort to be all the things for her that you want her to be to you. This doesn’t have to mean sucking up in a creepy way, but take every opportunity to smile when making any contact with her or offer to make her and the others in your team a hot drink if it’s customary to do so. 

Don’t go overboard, of course, and be true to your authentic self. She may recoil in horror if you come across as someone who’s desperate to be her BFF so be friendly, sincere and even-handed. Include her in any work conversations that are appropriate and ask her opinion on projects so that you can get to understand her preferences and decision-making processes. Think of yourself as an information-gathering machine: any data you glean will serve as a useful bridge-builder as well as a means of giving her the work that meets with her approval.

This woman may well turn out to be your dreaded nemesis but don’t dismiss her before doing your level best to appreciate her skills and understand what she wants. Working pleasantly and keenly during this initial period means that, if you still feel she has a problem with you, you’ll be in a good position to ask her for a performance update so you can find out what lies beneath. I am hoping it won’t come to that and what actually happens is you’ll be surprised by how well you get along.

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