It’s a familiar story: you spend months perfecting your CV and endlessly refreshing your inbox in the hope that you get an interview. And when you do, all that’s left is to make sure you’re able to handle your nerves before stepping into a room where you’ll get the grilling of your life from a complete stranger who might end up becoming your boss.

Sometimes it ends up being nothing but a way to feel small and horrible. It doesn’t help that statistics, too, prove that when it comes to job hunting, the odds are less likely to be in a woman’s favour in the first place.

According to researchers at Universitat Pompeu Fabra in Barcelona, women are on average 30% less likely to be called for a job interview than men with the same qualifications. Furthermore, a study in 2018 by law firm Slater and Gordon found that nearly one in three bosses had – or would – reject a job application from a woman in case they became pregnant.

At the end of the process, you might still end up getting a (sometimes harsh) rejection email or maybe even just ghosted forever. For 36-year-old Khyati Sundaram, from London, her worst rejection came at the hands of a recruiter. “I’d previously worked in finance and had an MBA and a Master’s so I was looking for a new opportunity. A recruiter was helping me [find a job],” she said. “This particular recruiter gave me various pieces of advice, such as changing up my CV, which I followed. I spent days writing and rewriting my CV and cover letters to fit his specification – I even spent money on a professional CV-writing service in the hope it would help me stand out.” However, after months of unsuccessfully applying for jobs she was experienced enough to get, the recruiter got in touch and made her feel horrible about herself. “He implied that I was beyond help,” she said. 

He said my CV was too unusual and it didn’t fit anywhere – he said he couldn’t help me find a job.” Khyati found the recruiter’s comments devastating and described it as a “harrowing” experience. “I’d pour energy into my applications and build up hope, which was shattered every time I didn’t hear back. The final rejection from the recruiter was the final straw.”

Sometimes, the worst rejection feedback doesn’t even come from applying for jobs – searching for university placements can be just as disheartening. Sonya Barlow, 29, who currently works as a host for BBC Asian Network and is founder of the LMF Network, says that her worst rejection was during university. “I was at the final two for a tech-based placement with a large energy firm in the UK. All the previous stages went well but the final one involved [spending] a day at their office,” she said. “When I was told that I didn’t get the job, the employer said that my presentation didn’t captivate them and that after a while I’d become bored during the placement – to be honest, this is a phrase I heard a lot while applying for graduate jobs later on.” The comments left her in pieces.

“The rejection really knocked my confidence. It felt similar to failing a driving test and still having to drive,”  she reflected.

Bouncing back from a bad interview experience can be tough, but it’s important to remember that a company’s poor interviewing process is often the result of a broken system within the organisation, according to careers coach Ayesha Murray. “Sometimes they’ve been forced to make a decision they’re not happy with, which has then affected the way they’ve responded,” she said. “Yes, it feels personal but it’s more than likely that the tone of the rejection stems from a broken process or the employer has constraints that you’re not aware of. It’s about how you deal with the rejection that’s important.”

She recommends taking a failed job interview as an opportunity to see events with fresh eyes. “The rejection may, in fact, take you down a different path – often one that works better for you in the long run,” she adds. Ayesha also says to reflect on your experience. “Look at what you did well and what you can develop, and make sure you ask for proper feedback from the interviewer too. Then, you can specifically address what you can do differently next time.”

“Rejection, if taken positively, makes us more resilient and able to cope with whatever life throws at us,” she says.

Images: Getty