If your boss was rude to you, dismissed you unfairly or was prejudiced against you, you’d realise almost immediately that something was up. However, when we’re on the receiving end of more covert manipulation, it’s difficult to figure out whether it’s really happening or if it’s all in our heads.

At work, as well as in other kinds of relationships, traditional gaslighting involves red flags like direct disrespect and lies that we can spot a mile off. However, this less obvious, ‘ambient’ gaslighting is harder to detect because it involves subtle, indirect and repeated messages and behaviours that make the victim question their own reality.

The term, coined by physician psychiatrist Dr Grant Brenner, can be likened to an insidious background noise that slowly makes you start to doubt yourself, your credentials and your value at work. 

What does ambient gaslighting look like in the workplace?

Because it comes in small doses, ambient gaslighting can be hard to detect. It could be as simple as a passive-aggressive communication style you encounter frequently from your colleagues, or it could look like a boss who employs a leadership style that makes your team fearful to speak up or disagree.

“Gaslighting of any kind is designed to make you feel inferior,” explains career roadblock coach Mhairi Todd. “This may show up as being persistently excluded from meetings or decisions you should absolutely be included in or having your decision ignored and contradicted.” Often, you might be labelled as “too emotional” or “too aggressive” in a bid to undermine and silence your very reasonable behaviour or have your authority questioned in front of other people.

It can, of course, happen to anyone, but it’s women who tend to bear the brunt of ambient gaslighting in the workplace. According to career and leadership coach Emily Button-Lyndham, it often leads us into a spiral of overthinking, questioning and doubting ourselves.

“Ambient gaslighting can manifest at work in a variety of ways, from being talked over in meetings, having to work harder to be praised and valued (especially when working towards promotion opportunities) and decisions being made without you in the room,” she tells Stylist. “Not only is it deeply unfair, but it also impacts our feeling of psychological safety, which is crucial for creating happier teams, retaining staff, and encouraging risk-taking and innovation, which can have a detrimental impact on the overall team and company culture.”

How to deal with ambient gaslighting

Even before you start calling out workplace behaviours that you’re not happy with, the first step is to foster self-trust and belief in yourself. “As this form of gaslighting can be damaging to your confidence which can take time to recover,” agrees Button-Lyndham. “Focus on the value you bring to your role and your company and save pieces of positive feedback to refer back to. Spend time each week regularly reflecting on your wins, what didn’t go so well and how you are tracking against your goals. This allows you to focus on the process (not just the outcomes) and allows you to be focused but also look positively on all the progress and value you are driving.”

When you do face gaslighting behaviour: “Document each instance, date, names and verbatim words or actions used. This is important to firstly confirm to yourself that something isn’t right and then to evidence your concerns when the time comes,” advises Todd. Next, confidentially speak to HR. “It’s important that you are being supported and you don’t need to wait until you are thoroughly browbeaten before you source that support. Even if it’s just to share your initial discomfort and let them know your plan to log the behaviour over a period, that’s fine,” she adds. “At least you will feel like someone is in the loop and you are not isolated.”

Advocating for yourself is essential, but if you don’t feel able to face the gaslighter then get support from a leader and HR. Remember you’re not alone, it’s not your fault and you deserve better.

Images: Getty