What’s your fitness level? No, not how far you can run or how much weight you can lift – I mean your social fitness. Just like exercising your muscles helps you build strength, you can flex your social skills to develop stronger relationships at work by building your social fitness.

We don’t tend to think of our ability to socialise as a skill; instead, we’re conditioned to think of ourselves as a born introvert or extrovert – choose a box, and stay there.

But social skills are skills like any other. If you’re not comfortable in certain professional settings – eg chatting to a stranger at a networking event, introducing yourself to your department’s new VP or building rapport with a potential investor – there’s good news: you can get better. And in the midst of a loneliness epidemic leading to burnout, even the most extroverted among us could benefit from more meaningful connections.

So in a world of missed connections where eye contact on public transport is considered a sin and we’re scrolling our lives away, how can you build and maintain your social fitness in a genuine way? We asked a couple of experts to weigh in.

You’ve heard of physical health, emotional health and mental health. Now, meet social health.

“Social health is the dimension of your overall health and wellbeing that comes from connection and your relationships,” Harvard University-trained social scientist and author Kasley Killam tells Stylist. “Think of social fitness as the practice of becoming more socially healthy. Decades of research have proven that connection is like exercise: vital to living longer, healthier and happier,” she said.

And social fitness isn’t inherent in your personality – it’s developed, so if you aren’t a naturally social person you can nurture your social health, similar to other types of wellbeing. 

How many times has the highlight of your day been a coffee run with a work friend, bonding with your team over a shared tight deadline or having a giggle with a colleague over a meeting faux pas?

Ultimately, we’re social beings, and as much as we might love to think we live on an island (and that might even technically be true), we need meaningful connections with others to survive.

And that’s also true at work, especially for women who are more likely to feel lonely. “Humans are naturally wired for social connection and a sense of belonging. When we spend such a large proportion of our lives working, it’s imperative that we build connections with the people we work with,” Ellie Turner Coughlin, a business relationship expert, tells Stylist.

“Inevitably, those workplace relationships influence your social health. There’s value in seeing your job as an opportunity not only for income and purpose, but also friendship and community,” added Killam.

Research also shows that employees who feel more connected to their colleagues are less likely to quit and having strong relationships at work can help you to produce higher quality work and feel more engaged.

Despite the benefits of and human need for connection with our colleagues, in our digital-first world, there are real obstacles preventing us from building true connections at work.

“Many companies are not thoughtful about facilitating connection and a sense of belonging in the workplace – they uphold systems that promote competition and disconnection. As an antidote to a tech-dominated world, we’re craving deeper human connection,” says Coughlin.

Real connection goes beyond occasionally liking your colleague’s social media post or small talk about your weekends on a Monday morning – it’s about sharing meaningful experiences together and feeling a sense of community. At the heart of connection that goes deeper than the superficial is authenticity, and that means taking a genuine interest in understanding yourself and others.

So, feeling ready to work on your social health? In her new book, The Art And Science Of Connection, Killam designed the 5-3-1 framework to flex your social fitness. “Inspired by research on the habits of people who thrive, I developed the 5-3-1 guideline to provide a reference point for people to explore the right amount and type of connection for them,” said Killam.

Here’s how it works: Connect with five people a week, maintain at least three close relationships and get one hour of quality connection time a day.

Sounds ambitious, if not a little daunting for the socially shy and networking averse. But research shows that building relationships at work is crucial for women’s career success – and those who don’t invest in building connections miss out on opportunities that impact growth, earnings and achievements. For a new kind of workout to help strengthen your relationships and improve your social fitness at work and everywhere else, the 5-3-1 framework is a good starting point.

“The best connectors and relationship builders are not always the natural extroverts but the people who take time to listen, be curious and build lasting relationships,” says Coughlin. “It’s not about being the loudest or most sociable person – it’s about finding the way to connect that feels most natural to you.” 

Killam also shared her advice on putting the 5-3-1 guideline into practice on the job.

Get in some face time

Schedule an in-person lunch or a weekly virtual coffee break with a colleague to chat about life outside of work. For an extra challenge, try to meet someone different each time or set up a theme for the meetup, such as an achievement you’re proud of or what you’re looking forward to at the moment.

Start a thank bank

Pop a weekly gratitude reminder in your diary to thank a colleague or member of your team at the end of each week. Sharing praise and recognition is beneficial for both the recipient and for you.

Your presence is your present

During team calls, meetings or informal chats around the office, put your phone away and switch off your computer notifications so you can listen actively, be present and connect with intention. Focus on the speaker and ask questions to engage them.

Get connecting, and say hello to your socially strongest self. 

Images: Adobe