We’re all familiar with the humble bragger. You know, the ones who lament they’re not wearing a scrap of make-up when it’s clear they’re naturally blessed in the looks department. Or the work colleague who complains their coveted new project is just so time-consuming.

It’s tempting to think that we’re being modest with our faux-coy social media posts, but does humble bragging just make us come across as fake and unlikeable? And if so, how are we supposed to celebrate ourselves? 

We asked the experts for their take. 

What is humble bragging? 

Studies define humble bragging as “bragging masked by a complaint or humility”, and it’s something we can all recognise.

“Humble bragging refers to subtly boasting about your own achievements or possessions while appearing modest or self-deprecating,” explains social media expert Estelle Keeber. “With the rise in use of social media platforms, we can all feel as if we are trying to ‘keep up with the Joneses’, and humble bragging is just another way of doing this in a less direct yet more public way.”

And it’s everywhere. According to studies, 70% of people can recall hearing a recent humble brag – and we have issues with it. Generally, we applaud modesty over self-promotion, and for many of us, being coy about our successes can sit more comfortably than boasting. But in reality, we’re not fooling anyone. 

What’s the issue with a humble brag? 

“The danger with humble bragging is that it can appear insincere and conceited,” says Dr Evelyn Okpanachi, author of The Emotionally Empowered Woman. “A lot of the time people don’t find the humble brag itself annoying, they find how it’s done insincere. It’s better to make a choice to share your achievements – or not – rather than veering down the middle.”

There’s no two ways about it: we just don’t like humble bragging, despite studies showing that the majority of us do it. It comes across as smug – and we can’t bear it.

“Most people value transparency and honesty in their interactions,” says mental health therapist Zoe Clews. “At least with all-out bragging you can see it for what it is. People don’t like to feel they are being conned or fooled regardless of the scale.”

What should we be doing instead of humble bragging? 

Let’s be clear, we are huge fans of self-love and celebrating our achievements. But if you don’t choose how you do this wisely, you risk alienating people. There’s a fine line between self-promotion and bragging, so how on earth are we supposed to be furthering our careers/celebrating our achievements/looking amazing to a potential date without getting it wrong?

“Recognise the difference between celebrating your successes and bragging,” advises Clews. “No one likes a bragger, but when surrounded by the right crowd of people (close friends, family or work colleagues) they’ll be happy to share the celebration of your successes.”

Be authentic

It’s OK to celebrate yourself from time to time – in fact, it’s essential to enjoy your wins.

“Give yourself permission to genuinely share your successes from time to time with honesty,” advises Clews. “It’s really fine to say I’ve worked really hard for this relationship/house/work success and here are the results. If it makes you feel better, it’s also OK to acknowledge that you might be about to show off, but that you are proud and want to share.”

Celebrating yourself in an honest and upfront way can also inspire others to do the same, creating a lovely upward spiral of recognition. 

Don’t forget your ‘why’

It’s important to think about why you’re about to share something. Is it because you’re feeling low or less-than? Do you need a self-esteem boost? If so, humble bragging might not be the way to go.

“Remember that people can usually read your intention over all else,” cautions Clews. “If you’re sharing from an authentically joyous and proud of yourself moment or place then it will be felt.”

How can we respond to humble bragging?

If you’re finding someone else’s saccharin Instagram posts triggering, you’re not alone. But you might want to examine why you’re feeling so irritated by them. Are you jealous? Or do you feel threatened by their success?

And sometimes, being the bigger person is the best way to go.

“React only to the accomplishment the other person is discussing, not the disguise,” advises Clews. “This may be difficult to do at first, especially if the person is a constant humble bragger, but it will encourage them to simply share their accomplishment in the future rather than annoyingly humble bragging.”

Try giving them what they’re after: “If we can acknowledge each other’s successes without jealousy or unhealthy competition, we’re closer to becoming equals and eliminating their superiority,” says Clews. “Next time the person brags respond with something that acknowledges their efforts, such as ‘I’m sure that wasn’t easy, well done!’ or ‘That’s something to be really proud of.’”

Then you can bask in your emotional maturity (just don’t brag about it). 

Images: Getty