Content note: this article contains discussions of rape that readers may find upsetting.

I’m at a wedding, waiting for another glass of prosecco, when the memory hits: I was 16, and after having a drink of whisky and smoking weed handed to me by an older man, I had blacked out. I opened my eyes, the room still spinning, and realised I had somehow made it upstairs. I was in a bed with the older man on top of me. The door was closed and locked. The other men, who I thought were my friends, were downstairs. I got a burst of energy and bolted up, ran down the stairs, and sobbed as I asked these ‘friends’ what was happening. I left the house and headed home after they responded by looking at each other shiftily and offering no explanation.

I went 14 years without thinking about that day. I wonder if some part of my brain made the decision to protect me from the knowledge of what happened, to block out that memory. I have no idea why, at that wedding, my brain stopped blocking, but I do know that I went back to the hotel room after that and felt a whole mess of things, all culminating in one question: what do I do now?

For many people, the news that came out over the weekend will have brought up similar complex emotions. Multiple allegations of rape and sexual assault have emerged concerning Russell Brand, including one story from a woman who was 16 at the time. These women have bravely spoken out years after the alleged incidents, and this will have prompted us to wonder about our own experiences. Can we address a sexual assault from the past? Should we? And how? What exactly are our options?

Everyone should be empowered to address a sexual assault, if they choose to, no matter how long ago it happened. Whether you’re in need of emotional support, want to pursue legal action or don’t know what you want, there are options available. We break them down ahead. 

One potential path is to contact one of the multiple excellent charities working in the areas of sexual violence and abuse.

Rape Crisis

“It’s important to remember that there is no time limit on seeking support for sexual violence or abuse,” Rape Crisis’s CEO Jayne Butler tells Stylist. “Many people who reach out to us have experienced abuse more than a year ago.

“There are many ways in which Rape Crisis can support victims and survivors. We run the 24/7 Rape and Sexual Abuse Support Line, which is a free phone and online chat service for anyone aged 16+ in England and Wales who has been affected by any kind of sexual violence, abuse or harassment – no matter when or where it happened.     

“Our network of 39 Rape Crisis centres in England and Wales provide free, specialist support and services to those who have experienced rape, child sexual abuse, sexual assault, sexual harassment or any other form of sexual violence. This can include counselling, independent advocacy for those who are thinking about reporting to the police, group therapy, local helplines and more.

“For victims and survivors who aren’t yet ready to reach out, our website has a range of self-help tools and information to support you.”

If you call Rape Crisis, you’ll reach a trained team of specialists who are there to listen, answer questions and offer emotional support. They will share information and resources, talk you through any next steps and help you find longer-term support, such as counselling.

“Rape Crisis will always listen to you and believe you,” Butler adds.

You can contact Rape Crisis by calling the rape and sexual abuse support line on 0808 500 2222, starting an online chat or going to your closest Rape Crisis Centre. 

Victim Support

Victim Support offers free, independent and confidential support to anyone who has experienced rape or sexual assault.

“All victim-survivors deserve to access the help and support they need to cope and move forward from sexual violence, at a time that is right for them,” Michaela-Clare Addison, national sexual violence lead at Victim Support, tells us. “Everyone will respond differently to sexual violence and abuse - there is no ‘right’ way or ‘wrong’ way to react or feel. We will support survivors regardless of whether or not they have told the police or anyone else about the assault, and no matter how long ago it happened.”

Victim Support serves as a first point of contact and can signpost to specialist services or provide their own independent sexual violence advocate services. “Our specialist ISVAs provide 1:1 support tailored to the victim-survivor’s individual needs – this includes emotional reassurance, safety planning, co-ordination of health and support services, and practical support navigating the criminal justice system,” Addison explains. 

“Once you contact Victim Support, we will listen, provide information about all your options and support you to make an informed choice that feels right to you. For some people just one phone call is enough, but for others, we work with them to build a support plan and help with things like reporting the incident, if that’s what they decide they want to do.”

You can contact Victim Support by calling their support line on 08 08 16 89 111, starting a live chat or filling out an online contact form. 

The Survivors Trust

The Survivors Trust is an umbrella agency for specialist rape and sexual abuse services, providing specialist information, advice, support and therapy. They have a free helpline open seven days a week, and note that “no matter what happened or when this took place, we’re here to support you”.

“One of the most important things we will do is to listen,” The Survivors Trust tells us. “We will give you time and space to talk about how you are feeling. It doesn’t matter how long ago the abuse took place or whether you have told anyone else about what happened. We will believe you and we will do our best to help you to decide what you want to happen next.

“We have 120 member agencies across the UK and Ireland offering specialist support to survivors of rape and sexual abuse. If you are interested in accessing further support (for example counselling or other forms of therapy), we will help you to find a support service close to where you live. We will help you to understand what’s involved when accessing further support and how you can do this.

“Many of our callers do decide to access further support, but others prefer not to. We will not pressure you or tell you what to do – we will respect your choices and do our best to support you in what decide to do.”

You can contact The Survivors Trust by calling its helpline on 08088 010818 or by emailing helpline@thesurvivorstrust.org.

Sexual assault referral centres (SARCs) offer medical, practical and emotional support to anyone who has been raped, sexually assaulted or abused – regardless of when the incident happened. You can find your nearest SARC here, and what you can expect when you attend is access to services, including physical care (such as medical and forensic investigations, emergency contraception and testing for STIs) and mental support. SARCs may provide access to an independent sexual assault advisor (ISVA) as well as referrals to mental health support. 

If your first reaction to the idea of going to the police is ‘absolutely not’, we get it. We’ve all heard the stat that 99% of rapes reported to the police don’t end in a conviction, and, to be frank, confidence in the police is low. We also tend to think of calling the police as an only-in-emergencies situation.

But the police have been making a significant effort to improve things in recent years, and now is in a position where it truly is worth contacting them in cases of sexual assault and rape – even if it happened a long time ago.

Sarah Crew, the national police chiefs’ lead for adult sex offences, tells us: “There is no time limit and quite a significant number of reports that are made to us actually have happened quite a long time in the past.”

It’s true that some of the evidence typically used to prosecute a case of rape won’t be an option for historical incidents; physical evidence and CCTV won’t be available if it has been months or years since it happened. But Crew urges us that it is absolutely still worth reporting even without this evidence. She notes that in these cases, other forms of evidence may be drawn on. 

“What normally happens around the time it happens is that the person it has happened to will change their behaviour,” she explains. “Because this is a traumatic event, they will normally tell someone or there will be clues. I’ve seen cases from 30 years ago, where we can go back in different records that were made at the time – people may go to their GP, they may tell a friend or someone might have noticed that a person’s behaviour changed around the time. There may also be a digital footprint. All this can be used as evidence.”

When you call 101 or go online to make a report, you can be connected with an independent sexual violence adviser (ISVA), who will help you navigate what can feel like a complex police process. Meanwhile, the police will investigate the case, looking into the perpetrator and collecting evidence.

This may result in a conviction or going to court, but there are other potential outcomes. “There are things called sexual risk orders and sexual harm prevention orders,” Crew explains, “where we can go to a civil court and say on the basis of evidence that we’ve gathered, we think this person is a risk and we’d like to put some limits on their behaviour. That might be that they cannot approach the victim or they shouldn’t have access to certain social media sites or dating apps.”

Even if the outcome of your report isn’t a conviction, it is still absolutely worth telling the police about what your attacker did. For one thing, the very act of talking about it and going through this process can be an empowering part of recovery. Crew says: “Some victims have told me that what mattered most in their recovery was that when they came to the police, the police believed them and didn’t judge them.”

Secondly, your report could help to protect other women. Crew says: “What we know about perpetrators is that they do repeat. As they get away with more things, they can become emboldened. When people come forward, we know who that [person they accused] is and can look at them more closely, much as we’d look at an organised criminal.” It’s possible that you are not the only one who this person has assaulted, too. “Every report is valuable because it might be another piece of information in that jigsaw that enables us to understand who that perpetrator is and be able to prosecute them,” Crew notes.

Plus, through filing a report you can access other forms of support. Your ISVA could help with other issues connected to the fallout of the incident; such as resolving housing issues, providing medical help or ensuring you receive counselling. 

You can report a crime to the police online, in person or over the phone. For advice on criminal law around sexual offences, domestic violence, harassment, and stalking, you can also contact Rights Of Women by calling 020 7251 8887.

“Victims of sexual assault can approach lawyers if they wish to make a civil claim against the perpetrator,” Francesca Cociani, an associate for Hodge Jones & Allen, tells us. “This is dealt with by the civil courts and the remedy is usually damages (financial compensation) for the physical and/or mental losses they have suffered. Usually, this takes place after criminal proceedings.”

Speaking to a lawyer is unlikely to be your first port of call. In order to make a civil claim, you will need to have made a report to the police, who would in turn investigate the offence and refer all relevant information and evidence to the Crown Prosecution Service, which then makes a charging decision. If the CPS does not charge the accused, you have the option to bring a private prosecution against them; this is when you would go to a lawyer directly. But this option is expensive and not accessible for all.

Hannah Couchman, senior lawyer at Rights of Women, explains: “You may wish to bring a civil claim for damages against the person responsible for your injury or against someone who failed to protect you from violence (such as Social Services).

“To recover damages, you will have to show a civil court that you have received a personal injury as a result of someone’s blameworthy behaviour. There are time limits for bringing a civil claim which vary depending on the nature of the injury that you received. However, case law has enabled these time limits to be applied more flexibly in certain circumstances.

“To bring a civil action you will need a solicitor. You may be eligible for public funding to help you with your case or you may be able to instruct solicitors to represent you under a conditional fee agreement (‘no win, no fee’). To find a solicitor who can assist you, you can contact the Law Society via its website.”

You might not want to file a report or seek any legal recourse for a past experience of rape or sexual violence. That’s entirely OK. Instead, you may want to process the emotional and mental impact of what happened with a professional.

“It’s understandable to feel daunted about opening up to a stranger, particularly about a painful experience,” says Becky Banham of Counselling Directory. “This is why it’s so important that, once you’ve decided you’re ready to seek help, you’re able to find a therapist you trust and have a good connection with. To ensure you find the right counsellor for you, here are some key things to consider.

“It can be helpful to know that your therapist has experience working with your specific challenges. On Counselling Directory, there are more than 700 verified therapists across the UK who are ready to offer support with sexual assault.

“To help you narrow your search, it can be useful to understand the different therapies that counsellors may use. Some of the evidence-based approaches that can help when working through sexual violence or assault include psychodynamic psychotherapy, trauma-focused cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and eye movement desensitisation reprocessing therapy (EMDR). It’s not essential that you understand each one in-depth, but you may find one approach more appealing than another. If so, you can focus your search on finding a professional who offers that.

“One of the best indicators when choosing a therapist is gut instinct, so browse some therapist profiles to see who you feel drawn to. What do they mention about their experience of working with survivors of sexual assault? How have they helped clients overcome issues specific to this kind of trauma? Don’t be afraid to reach out and ask these kinds of questions before confirming your choice. Therapists will always remain non-judgmental and will want you to feel comfortable and confident that you’ve got the right person to support you.

“For more information on how counselling can support survivors of sexual assault, visit Counselling Directory’s sexual assault information page.”

Perhaps you haven’t experienced rape or sexual assault personally, but want to help survivors. Here are three ways you can show your support:

• Listen and believe them: simply hearing someone out, without blame, shame or judgment, is a hugely important part of their recovery
• Volunteer for a charity: you can apply to volunteer for Rape Crisis, Women’s Aid, and Victim Support online
• Donate to a charity: Donating what you can will enable these organisations to continue to do vital work in seeking justice and providing support 

Images: Getty