Welcome back to Stylist’s Sleep Diaries, where we take a deep dive into one of the most important (and elusive) factors in our day-to-day lives: sleep. To help us understand more about it, we invite women to share their habits with our sleep expert Dr Nerina Ramlakhan for analysis.  

Age: 31

Occupation: Project co-ordinator

How much water do you drink on average per day? 2-3 glasses.

How much caffeine do you drink on average per day? None.

What time do you go to bed at night? 11pm

What time do you wake up in the morning? 7:30am

How often do you exercise? I typically do 10,000 steps a day.

Do you eat breakfast within 60 minutes of rising? Yes.

“I’ve struggled with my sleep for the last seven years. Most of the time I struggle to fall asleep even though I’m tired, and even when I do nod off, I end up waking frequently through the night with disturbing dreams. My body doesn’t even let me lie in at the weekends, so I can’t ‘catch up’ on sleep and my energy levels are at an all-time low.

“I’ve tried melatonin to see if that could help, but to no avail. I also walk 10,000 steps every day, avoid caffeine and eat breakfast within 60 minutes of rising to try to regulate my energy levels, but nothing seems to help. It’s not like I don’t give my body the opportunity to relax – I’ve been practising yoga regularly for nine years and recently started meditating, but something seems to be keeping me awake.  

“I suspect my dad’s death five years ago could have something to do with it. He passed away under very tragic, sudden circumstances, and it was really hard to deal with. Could that explain why I’m struggling to sleep? And if so, is there anything I can do to help myself get the rest I need? I’m looking forward to hearing your thoughts.”

“You have many of the classic sleep problems and there are a few lifestyle changes that you could make (better hydration, getting to bed earlier etc), but I suspect that what you need is to seek support for the traumatic loss of your father five years ago,” says sleep expert and physiologist Dr Ramlakhan.

“The stress being held in your body could be impacting your sleep. After all, the body keeps the score, and any unresolved or unhealed traumas can show up in your sleep. I recommend that, if you haven’t already done so, you seek help to address the grief and emotions that are causing the stress in your physiology and showing up in your dreams. 

“Grief, when unattended, can continue to show up in our bodies and sleep for years, but the good news is that we don’t have to continue to suffer. Finding the right support to enable you to grieve and heal safely may well be the answer to your sleeplessness.”

Images: Ami O’Callaghan, Dr Nerina Ramlakhan