5 ways mindfulness can help change our relationship with sex

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Credit: Headspace

Health


5 ways mindfulness can help change our relationship with sex

By Stylist Team

Updated 7 months ago

In partnership with Headspace

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From communicating desire to forming a better relationship with our bodies, psychosexual and relationship therapist Kate Moyle weighs in on how mindfulness can help improve sexual wellbeing…

As far as practices go, mindfulness and sex couldn’t be more different. One by its nature is deeply physical, whereas the other requires us to turn our attention inwards. 

However, the two are intertwined and can be mutually beneficial when it comes to better understanding our own sexual wellbeing. 

Sadly, though, studies would suggest that women still don’t feel supported emotionally or physically when it comes to the subject of sex – which in turn acts as a major barrier when trying to reframe our approach to intimacy.

New UK research conducted by meditation app Headspace and online community Peanut shows that a staggering 89% of women think the medical industry doesn’t take their sexual desires seriously. Meanwhile, 78% of women have experienced low sex drive, with over half (53%) believing that low sex drive remains a taboo topic within society.

Luckily, however, the narrative is finally starting to change. 

“Research showed that 7 in 10 women would like better access to information that could improve their sex lives,” says Kate Moyle – host of The Sexual Wellness Sessions podcast.

“Sexual wellbeing has been left out of the conversation for too long, despite the fact that we know it plays a key role within our general wellness and, specifically, mental wellness.” 

And, according to Moyle, accessing tools such as the new Women’s Collection from Headspace – which covers topics such as Sex And Relationships, Body And Health and Strength In Solidarity – is a step in the right direction, especially when it comes to linking mindfulness and sex. 

We spoke to Moyle about how taking a more mindful approach can help change our relationship with sex and how it can benefit our sexual wellness in the long term. 

Here’s what she said…

1.  It can help normalise conversations about sex

“Shame is the biggest challenge that most people feel around sex,” says Moyle. “So many of the difficulties we experience sexually are due to the lack of normalising conversation and the lack of opportunities to ask questions because we feel that we might be ‘getting it wrong’ or that we’re ’not normal’.”

Within the new Women’s Collection, Moyle discusses the challenges women face in their sex lives, whether they’re physical, psychological or cultural, and introduces Headspace users to methods that can help them work through these issues. One of which is using mindfulness techniques to help make conversations about sex more comfortable for everyone involved. 

“Putting the topic of sex up front and centre is not only normalising but permission-giving,” says Moyle. “When we don’t know where to access the help we need, we can often avoid it altogether. Through mindfulness the Women’s Collection is empowering women to take sex education into their own hands, so they can learn, explore and grow in sexual self-confidence.”


2.  It helps us understand and communicate our desires

“One of the most common pitfalls when it comes to communicating about sex is not speaking up about our preferences or desires,” says Moyle. “Women are often socialised to feel like they shouldn’t ask or that their pleasure comes second.” 

“Communication is one of the most important pillars of our sexual wellbeing,” Moyle adds. “Without it we are only basing what we are doing on assumptions as none of us are mind readers. Sex is something that is co-created between the people involved in that experience and context is key. Knowing that we can communicate about sex should be something that gives us confidence.”


3.  It helps us live ‘in the moment’

“Meditation is a practice that helps us to be in the moment and this can be of real benefit in our sex lives,” Moyle reveals. “Distraction is one of the key inhibitors of sexual arousal and desire, which is why directing our attention to a particular area, often towards the physical sensations that we are experiencing, can improve our sexual experience and awareness of our own arousal.”

Moyle adds: “Modern life is incredibly distracting and this can make getting into the right headspace for sex a real challenge, which is why practices like meditation can help us to tune out what else is going on and tune into turning on.”


4.  It helps us prioritise pleasure

“When it comes to sexual experiences we should all be responsible for our own pleasure and orgasm, which seems to run counter to the idea that many of us have been taught, which is that it is our job to make sure our partner has a good time,” says Moyle.

“This is where mindfulness comes in, as it’s about helping us to focus on the pleasurable sensations that we are experiencing in our bodies and the irony is that when we are preoccupied by our partner’s then it actually can take our attention away from our own. 

“This has been further emphasised by research into the orgasm gap, showing that there is a disparity between how often those in male/female sexual experiences orgasm, and all of this has painted female sexual pleasure as in some way ‘tricky’ or ‘complicated’, which both men and women have been led to believe.”


5.  It helps us be kinder to our bodies

“One element of mindfulness is the fact that your attention is directed non-judgmentally and self-compassionately and so we focus on ‘noticing’,” says Moyle. “As humans we are very quick to self-criticise and particularly as women this sits in the context of a culture which offers up a lot of opinions about female bodies and appearance which can reinforce a critical relationship with ourselves and our bodies.

“This is where the body positivity and body neutrality movements have made a big shift in the conversation by helping many of us move to a place of greater self-acceptance and celebration.”

Moyle concludes: “How we talk to ourselves matters – it’s the voice you hear the most and this can have an impact on all areas of our mental and physical wellbeing. Anything that improves our relationship with the self can promote a culture of self-care and kindness in the long term. So, at the core of the mindful relationship with our bodies is noticing what we can do and how we feel – grounding us in our bodies rather than looking in on them from what we perceive others’ opinions to be.”



Find confidence from the inside out with the new Women’s Collection from global leader in meditation and mindfulness Headspace. Covering topics such as Sex And Relationships, Body And Health and Strength In Solidarity, this collection has been created to help us embrace our bodies and confidently communicate our desires during intimate situations.

Plus, Stylist readers can receive a 14-day free trial by clicking the button here.

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