This time around we’re chatting with Giselle La Pompe-Moore, an author, speaker and slowing-living advocate. 

Hey, Giselle! If you could recommend One Good Thing everyone can do to improve their mental health, what would it be?

Regardless of the season of life you’re in and if you’re single or in a relationship; date yourself.

Interesting… why should we do this?

Being in the practice of solitude is the ultimate teacher in learning more about ourselves, reflecting and experiencing how it feels to just be with ourselves. When we intentionally set out to romance ourselves, we aren’t waiting for anyone else before we can gift ourselves that time. We are making a statement that we are deserving of giving ourselves the same energy and treatment that we so often extend to others, or others extend to us.

What does self-dating look like? How do we do it?

Self-dating can take place at home or out of it, as long as the time feels intentional instead of coincidental, or the result of someone cancelling on you. You deserve time in the calendar marked out just for you.

The options for solo dates are endless: it might be a three-course dinner in a new restaurant, a gallery trip followed by a picnic in the park, going on a weekend away or a day trip. It could be creating an evening in with candles, fresh flowers and music playing in the background, and making yourself a decadent feast.  

What benefits could we see from self-dating?

You are the constant. In a life that is ever-changing, with jobs, people and circumstances coming and going, you are always what remains. That should be celebrated. Especially in a world that often feels like it is built for two, reclaim and prioritise the relationship you have with yourself. 

It not only helps to create a deeper sense of self and understand who we are for when life’s rough moments come, it allows us to be in better relationship with others. We are more likely to choose to be in someone’s company because they will further enrich our lives, not because our relationship with ourselves isn’t already rich. Romantic love shouldn’t be the only love that is centred. Love for ourselves and platonic love should be too. 

It’s also a great way to practise being present. When we are eating by ourselves, for example, the lack of conversation really allows us to invite all of our senses in to savour what we’re experiencing. 

Love that. Are there any common challenges people experience when they start doing this? How can we deal with them?

If you haven’t spent much time by yourself, then it is completely understandable if the idea of asking for a ‘table for one’ fills you with dread. If you’re struggling with mustering up the confidence then start slowly. Have a gorgeous evening in with yourself first, then try a day of market and bookshop-hopping with lunch on a bench. As you slowly build up your confidence, then go for the restaurant. Take a book or read on your phone while eating as training wheels that you can then let go of and be more present as time goes on. When eating alone is an ongoing part of your schedule, it will become more seamless.

If in doubt, practise some tough love by reminding yourself that no one’s looking at you and wondering why you’re by yourself. Everyone’s too busy worrying about themselves to worry about you. Live your life!

Also, self-dating is not an excuse for isolation. Community is vital for our mental health; this is simply part of a whole life that includes being with others and also being with ourselves. 

How do you personally do your One Good Thing?

I’ve been self-dating for over a decade, both when I’ve been in relationships and when single. I try to switch it up as it’s part of my self-discovery process, seeing how I feel and respond to being in different situations and environments. Sometimes that looks like 10 days by myself in New York City, spending my days meditating by the river, eating bagels and going to the cinema with all my favourite sweets. Other times, it might be getting dressed up for dinner in a cute restaurant or sprawling out in a park and people-watching. What you do is not what’s important; it’s knowing that you deserve to romance yourself. 

And how has self-dating changed your life for the better?

It has been essential in me knowing that I’m enough as I am. It has allowed me to cultivate the most beautiful relationship with myself. It has helped me to reclaim being single as an intentional choice I’m making for myself, rather than seeing being single as sitting in a waiting room until someone chooses me. Because life feels juicy and delicious now, and I’m creating a full life where I romance myself. How lovely is it to then have people to add to that. 

Solo dates have also helped me to create the most nourishing relationships, as the time I choose to spend with people comes from the confidence that I adore spending time solo – but I want to spend time with them. Knowing yourself on the deepest level enriches the bonds we have with everyone. 

Self-dating has opened up the world to me. A world where I don’t have to wait for anyone else to live my life; I get to confidently and boldly live it now. 

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

Images: Getty; Stylist