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Mental Health
Misunderstanding emotions: why none of us know what we’re feeling right now
By Amy Beecham
3 years ago
2 min read
In times of collective struggle, it’s easy to get lost, even within our own emotions. As Stylist’s Amy Beecham learns, there’s a very good reason why none of us know how we really feel at the moment.
As children, emotions are some of the first things we learn to express. We grow to understand our own cues, mental and physical, and whether they mean we’re happy, sad, frustrated or excited. So then, why as adults can it seem so hard to recognise what we’re really feeling? When the complexities of life come into play, the likes of resentment, anger and jealousy can fade into one another, making it hard to distinguish exactly how anxiety and stress differ from fear and overwhelm.
“Generally, some emotions, such as happiness or excitement, are more familiar to us than others and therefore can feel safer,” explains Dr Suzanne Azer, a clinical psychologist and senior lecturer at Exeter University.
“For example, for someone who feels anger will lead to a loss of control or rejection from others, might begin to feel anxious the moment they feel it. If this is a strong response, they may over time only notice and talk about their anxiety, neglecting the anger and other feelings. The reverse also happens where someone who can’t tolerate feeling vulnerable might immediately become angry as this can feel safer to them.”
And at this point in time, it’s no wonder we’re clinging to what feels safe. After the continued uncertainty of the pandemic, we’ve found ourselves plunged into a cost of living crisis that threatens both our mental and physical health. Our protection instincts are undoubtedly in overdrive, making everything we do feel simultaneously emotionally charged and confused.
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