Every January, millions of us dive headfirst into resolutions to transform our lives. A fresh start – and the promise of happiness – awaits on the other side of radical change, if only we could muster the courage to quit that job, end that relationship or move across the world. Predictably, by February, our enthusiasm fizzles and we’re left feeling defeated because we failed to deliver.

As I share in my memoir, Uncaged: A Good Girl’s Journey To Reinvention, I spent years being the ‘good girl’: checking all the right boxes, from academic excellence to a picture-perfect marriage. When I finally acknowledged my deep unhappiness, my first instinct was to break free and reclaim my life in one big, dramatic move. And while some bold decisions were necessary along the way, that’s not quite how it happened.

Here’s what I’ve learned through my own journey and in coaching numerous accomplished women: The ‘all-or-nothing’ approach often becomes a kind of cage – a self-imposed limitation. Believing that meaningful transformation has to happen through grand gestures and dramatic shifts keeps many of us stuck. In fact, radical overhauls rarely work, not because we’re not capable enough, but because they’re emotionally overwhelming and unsustainable.

When we set goals that feel too big, we often end up so daunted or paralysed that either we procrastinate indefinitely from pursuing them or give up too soon. Also, in order to implement and sustain dramatic changes we need a significant amount of energy and focus, in addition to the ever-present responsibilities of daily life. When we inevitably fall short of our big goals, self-doubt, guilt and shame creep in, reinforcing the idea that we’re not ‘enough’. But the problem isn’t us – it’s the approach.

Instead, transformation happens most often through small, deliberate steps that gradually expand our comfort zone and challenge our inherited beliefs about who we’re supposed to be and what we’re supposed to do to be successful. These can be tiny 1% improvements that create extraordinary results over time. Think of it as compound interest for personal growth.

Small wins are powerful because:

• They’re achievable. They can be integrated into your existing life, which makes them easier to implement.
• They create momentum. Small steps, decisions or changes build upon each other, resulting in big shifts over time.
• They build confidence. Every small win reinforces our belief in our own abilities and trust in your ability to transform, which can inspire bigger changes down the road.
• They provide clarity. They inform us about what works and what doesn’t, or what aligns with our values and goals, allowing us to adjust as we go forward.
• They’re sustainable. Instead of exhausting ourselves with sweeping changes, small steps ensure we have the energy to keep going.

For the high-achieving women I work with, this often means starting with subtle shifts: speaking up in one meeting instead of deferring, blocking off an hour for creative work in the morning before checking emails or saying “no” to a request without an elaborate justification. These moments might seem less significant in the moment than quitting your job or moving across the world, but they’re powerful because of their cumulative impact.

So before you convince yourself that only a complete life overhaul will do, consider: what’s one small way you could be more true to yourself today? Instead of asking, “What’s the biggest goal I can set?” ask, “What’s one small step I can take?” Focus on incremental progress rather than perfection. Over time, these small actions add up to create a life that feels aligned, authentic and fulfilling. This approach is not about settling or playing small, but about recognising that lasting transformation is a practice, not an event.

Katia Vlachos is a reinvention coach and author of Uncaged: A Good Girl’s Journey To Reinvention.

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