If there’s one thing that unites us all, it’s the inability to decide what to eat for dinner. If you’re in a relationship, you’re probably familiar with the subsequent argument with your partner that follows. It feels like a choreographed routine: the toing and froing of meal suggestions, before the tennis-like passing of responsibility to make the final, deciding call.

In theory, at least, what to eat for dinner should be a pretty easy and low-risk decision. You’ll get nutrients either way, and it’s not the end of the world if you don’t find it quite as satisfying as you’d have liked (you can still have a dessert or post-dinner snack). So, why do we find it so damn difficult to decide? For the sake of everyone, we had to put it to the experts.

“There are several psychological reasons why many of us struggle with deciding what to eat for dinner,” says Dr Becky Spelman, psychologist and founder of Private Therapy Clinic. “One is decision fatigue, which occurs when we’re overwhelmed by the number of choices we have to make throughout the day.” By dinnertime, she says, our brains may become exhausted, making it challenging to make yet another decision – however simple it may seem.

Another reason we’re all feeling stressed about supper, Dr Spelman says, is that there are endless possibilities – from fast-cook air fryer meals to takeaways. “When faced with numerous options, we tend to feel anxious about making the right choice and worry about potential regrets, leading to indecision and a difficulty in settling on a particular meal.”

Things can get more complicated still when you take into account individual preferences, dietary restrictions and conflicting desires. “Our mood, cravings and even external cues like advertisements or social media posts can influence our food choices too,” says Dr Spelman. 

One minute you’re at work, making weighty and high-risk decisions with budgets, deadlines and even (in some jobs) lives at stake. The next, you’re stressing over what kind of sauce to serve with your pasta (if you got as far as settling on pasta, of course). What’s up with that?

“The magnitude of a decision does not always correlate with its complexity,” says Dr Spelman. “Choosing what to eat might seem really simple, but the endless options and personal preferences can make it feel more challenging than it actually is. On the other hand, larger decisions often involve more time, research and critical thinking, which can give us a sense of importance and urgency, resulting in heightened focus and clarity.”

The impact and consequences of big decisions are often more tangible and visible, Dr Spelman explains, which can motivate us to gather more information, weigh pros and cons, and ultimately make an informed choice. “In contrast, the impact of choosing what to eat for dinner may seem less significant, leading to a lack of urgency or motivation to invest substantial mental effort into the decision-making process.”

It’s not uncommon for couples to argue about what to eat for dinner or who gets to decide, Dr Spelman says.

Some of the reasons this happens include:

A difference in preferences

“Everyone has their own taste preferences, dietary restrictions, or cravings, which can result in conflicting ideas about what to eat,” Dr Spelman says.

Decision-making dynamics

The process of deciding what to eat can be part of broader decision-making dynamics within the relationship, Dr Spelman explains. “Power struggles, communication issues or a lack of shared decision-making can contribute to disagreements.”

Emotional significance

“Food can hold emotional and cultural significance for many individuals. It can be tied to memories, comfort or personal values,” says Dr Spelman. “Disagreements about dinner choices may trigger deeper emotional responses or a need for validation and understanding.”

Decision fatigue

After a long day, both partners may experience mental exhaustion. “This makes it harder to navigate and agree on dinner choices,” says Dr Spelman.

To avoid food-related conflict, open communication is crucial. “Active listening, empathy and a willingness to understand each other’s perspectives can help couples to find common ground,” Dr Spelman says. “Try to compromise, take turns deciding or create a meal plan – this can help to remove tension.”

According to Dr Spelman, there are a number of strategies you can implement to simplify decision-making and make mealtimes more enjoyable.

Meal planning

“Set aside some time each week to create a meal plan, considering your preferences, dietary needs and available ingredients,” Dr Spelman advises. “You can explore cookbooks, food blogs or online recipes if you need inspiration. Having a clear plan eliminates the stress of deciding on the spot and ensures you have the necessary ingredients on hand.”

Create a rotating menu

Dr Spelman recommends rotating your favourite go-to meals throughout the week to provide structure and variety.

Prepare freezer meals

“Batch-cooking and freezing ready-made meals can relieve stress on days when you’re tired or just not sure what to cook,” says Dr Spelman.

Use meal delivery services or meal kits

Meal delivery services can remove the decision-making stress from mealtimes with no need to compromise on quality.

Embrace simplicity

“There is absolutely nothing wrong with a simple pasta, stir-fry or salad,” Dr Spelman says. “We do not need to spend hours preparing a gourmet feast!”

It might also be fun, depending on your definition of fun, to turn it into a bit of a game. For instance, if you and your partner struggle to arrive at a joint decision, each offer up a meal suggestion you’d be happy to eat, and flip a coin. Decision made.

Or if it’s takeaway night, let fate decide by assigning each option a number and then using an online random number generator to make the final decision.

It may also help, long-term, to engage in mindfulness practices if you struggle to be present. “In our fast-paced modern lifestyles, we often prioritise productivity and multitasking, which can lead to a disconnection from our body’s cues and needs,” Dr Spelman explains. “Being out of touch with our bodies and not being fully present can contribute to difficulty in deciding what to eat.

“Actively working on being more present throughout the day and cultivating mindfulness can help us tune in to our bodies, which will help us to recognise hunger or specific cravings, and to make more intuitive food choices.” 

This, she says, involves paying attention to physical sensations, emotions, and thoughts related to hunger, satiety, and food preferences.

“Practicing mindful eating, taking regular breaks, engaging in self-reflection and creating moments of stillness throughout the day can help us to reconnect with ourselves. This way, we can listen to our body’s cues and needs and decide what we truly feel like eating.”

Image: Getty