Why so many people with ADHD struggle with ‘waiting mode’ – and how to navigate it

clock melting time waiting mode

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Frame Of Mind


Why so many people with ADHD struggle with ‘waiting mode’ – and how to navigate it

By Ellie Middleton

5 months ago

5 min read

What is ‘waiting mode’ and why do so many neurodivergent people struggle with it? In an extract from her new book, How To Be You, Ellie Middleton explains all. 


One of the things that makes it tricky for me to be flexible is something called ‘waiting mode’, a term coined by the ADHD community to explain the frame of mind they often get stuck in when they know they have something coming up later on in the day, and therefore can’t get anything done beforehand.

If, for example, I know I have an appointment at 2pm, the whole day beforehand I’m stuck in ‘waiting mode’, counting the seconds until 2pm comes around. For me, I think this comes from a few different places.

Why many people with ADHD struggle with ‘waiting mode’

Working memory

Neurodivergent folks can often struggle to juggle as many things at once because of their differences in working memory capacity. If we use that 2pm appointment as an example, for me, I know that if I stop thinking about it for a second, it would be so easy for me to forget about it because of all the other stuff that’s flying around my brain at any one time. So instead, I cling on to thinking about it to make sure I don’t miss it. 

Hyperfocus 

Similarly, with a brain that’s prone to hyperfocusing, it would be easy to completely miss an appointment. Hyperfocus refers to a really intense state of focus, fixation or interest in a certain activity for an extended period. It can be explained as a more intense version of a neurotypical ‘flow’ state or feeling of being ‘in the zone’. You become so engrossed in the task at hand that you almost forget the rest of the world around you exists – including any appointments that might be scheduled in for that time.

Time blindness

Many ADHDers also experience time blindness, which explains the way that we tend to think of time as ‘now’ or ‘not now’, and find it difficult to judge how long something might take, or how much time has passed – especially if we’re in one of those hyperfocus states mentioned above. For this reason, it can be tricky for us to work out what we’d be able to get done between now and our 2pm appointment, because we have no gauge for what that length of time feels like, leaving us stuck in waiting mode. 

Decision freeze

Decision freeze, also frequently known as decision paralysis, explains the way that neurodivergent people (ADHDers and autistic people, especially) may become overwhelmed when there are too many decisions at hand and therefore not be able to make any decision at all. For me, this feels like my brain is unable to compute all the different choices, and the pros and cons for each of those choices, and sort of flashes up an imaginary ‘Error 404’ message. When we know we have a certain amount of time to fill before our 2pm appointment, the options of what we could do in that time period might feel endless. On top of this, deciding which order to do those tasks in can make it even trickier – for example, say I have a 2pm appointment that I need to get to, my morning thought process usually goes something like this: 

I need to shower. But I want to go to the gym at some point today, so there’s no point in showering before I go to the gym. So I should shower first. But I need to eat before I go to the gym. So I should eat first, and then gym, and then shower. But I’ll need to wait some time between eating and going to the gym. So do I have time to go to the gym? If I eat, that might take about 10 minutes, and then I might need an hour to let my food settle, and then it’s 10 minutes to go to the gym. And then how long do I usually spend in the gym? Maybe about an hour? And then I can shower, does that take about 20 minutes? And then I need 10 minutes to get back. But I know that I usually get distracted so I probably need to allow an extra hour in total to make sure I’m not late for the appointment. Actually I think my car probably needs some petrol before I set off, so how far out of my way is that? And how long will it take me to get to the appointment? So do I have time for all of that? 

And then because I’ve spent so much time going backwards and forwards about all the different options and ideas, my brain becomes incredibly overwhelmed and decides, actually, we just won’t do any of it, and I get stuck in waiting mode until the appointment.


Although it’s easy to understand why waiting mode comes about, it can still be incredibly annoying. It wastes big chunks of time where you could be getting on with something important, and also can just feel torturous when you’re an impatient, impulsive ADHDer. However, I’ve found a few ways that you can beat waiting mode.      

How to deal with ‘waiting mode’

  • Where possible, schedule all meetings and appointments as early as possible. That way, you can get them out of the way first thing in the morning, and then have the rest of the day to do what you please, instead of waiting around all day for an afternoon appointment. 
  • Start recording and making a list of how long certain tasks generally take you. That way, you know exactly which you can and can’t fit into the time between now and your appointment, without having to get stuck in the chaotic cycle of thoughts we went through above. 
  • If you do have any appointments in the afternoon, set alarms or reminders for them on your phone or home assistant (eg Siri or Alexa). If you set a reminder for, say, 10 minutes before the start time of the appointment or before you need to leave the house, you know that, no matter how engrossed you get in a task, you still won’t miss your appointment later.

This article is an edited extract from Ellie Middleton’s new book, How To Be You, which is available to buy now

Images: Adobe; Penguin Books

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