Isn’t it annoying that positive thoughts come and go with ease, and it’s the negative thoughts that stick around and won’t budge? Once your inner critic pipes up, it can be hard to make it shut up. 

There’s no magic trick to stop negative thoughts from arising. And trying to ditch them entirely doesn’t sound particularly healthy – toxic positivity is a very real thing. What we can do, however, is try to make bad thoughts a touch less ‘sticky’, and learn how to respond to and redirect them when they pop up. That way, a single negative thought doesn’t have to turn into a full-on spiral. 

How do we do that? Dr Naomi Humber, head of mental wellbeing at Bupa UK, shares six tips.

“When you’re having a negative thought, get yourself a pen and notepad,” Humber tells Stylist. “Write down exactly what’s put you in a bad mood. It could be a situation where things didn’t go fully as planned or something as simple as tripping up over the kerb.

“Once you’ve written down your thought, next write what specific feelings and emotions you have alongside that thought. Once you’ve identified your emotions and feelings, rate each of them out of 10 (with 10 being the most intense).”

Getting to know your triggers is an essential step in better mental wellbeing. Dr Humber says: “Now is the time to get granular with your negative thoughts and write them down. Really think about what might cause a knock-on effect on your mood for the day and how that can affect your thoughts. For example, if a work meeting doesn’t go as well as you’d hoped, you might think it’s because of something you did, making you feel unworthy of success. Thoughts like this can impact your self-esteem if they repeat for long enough, even in unrelated circumstances.”

“It’s time to challenge the validity of your thoughts,” recommends Humber. “Do you really deserve the negative thoughts you’re having about yourself? Is whatever happened completely your fault? Would you speak to a friend in the same manner you’re talking to yourself?

“Go forensic with the details of your thoughts, and only focus on the evidence in front of you, rather than how you feel. Think about whether how you’re talking to yourself is truly justified, important or necessary.”

Attention is a powerful tool, and it’s something we can make a conscious effort to wield. Often, we let our attention be snatched up by the wrong things and fail to properly notice the nice stuff. Challenge yourself to recognise the positive. When something great happens, really savour it – write it down, examine the feeling and keep a record.

“Look to your notepad for examples of both your negative and positive thoughts,” Humber says. “Seeing both of them will help put into perspective if there are any alternative ways to frame your negative thoughts.

“Again, remember to centre your thoughts in evidence, rather than within any feelings or anything that’s unjustifiable. Taking a moment to think about how you want to respond to a negative situation may help you to shift any automatic thought patterns you’ve built up over the years, and highlight just how many of them you’ve been following.

“When a negative thought arises, take a beat to challenge it. For example, if you had a bad work meeting, instead of beating yourself up about it immediately, remind yourself that you’re human, you’re doing your best and that it’s OK for things to not go exactly as planned – we all make mistakes.”

After doing all the above, assess how you’re feeling again. “After you’ve considered how to respond to your negative thoughts, make sure you rate your emotions and feelings again,” Humber notes. “Think about all the emotions you’re feeling – both good and bad – and rate the intensity of those feelings out of 10.

“Don’t panic if there’s not a huge difference in your intensity ratings. It can take time to change your automatic thought patterns, so remember to keep continuing this practice each time you find yourself thinking negatively.”

Occasional negative thoughts are normal, but if you’re finding them overwhelming it’s vital that you seek professional support. Struggling to break out of negative thought patterns can be a symptom of depression and anxiety disorders such as OCD. “Seeking help sooner – rather than waiting to see if your mood lifts – can achieve better outcomes for poor mental health,” notes Humber. 

If you’re having suicidal thoughts, please go to A&E if it’s safe for you to do so. You could also ask somebody to take you to A&E, or call 999.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, you can find support and resources on the mental health charity Mind’s website and NHS Every Mind Matters or access the NHS’s list of mental health helplines and services.

If you are struggling with your mental health, you can also ask your GP for a referral to NHS Talking Therapies or you can self-refer.

For confidential support, you can also call the Samaritans in the UK on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org. In a crisis, call 999.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

Images: Adobe; Getty