Office Christmas parties, work festive lunches, the group WhatsApp drinks chat – the festive social whirl is enough to send the most gregarious of us into a spin. But if you’re prone to social anxiety, the Christmas period can feel truly overwhelming, especially if work-related events are adding to the feelings of stress. 

“With Christmas and the new year approaching, you may have received an influx of invitations to festive events. If you’re feeling irritable, disengaged or experience a sense dread at the prospect of a month of socialising ahead of you, you may be suffering from social anxiety,” explains Jan P de Jonge, a psychologist at People Business Psychology. 

But there are ways to cope. We turned to the experts for their top tips on handling Christmas socialising if you’d rather hide on the sofa until 1 January. 

Even those of us who enjoy spending time with friends can find the obligations that arise in December a bit much. So, what exactly is social anxiety, and how can we tell if we’re affected? 

“Social anxiety is characterised by an intense, persistent fear of being judged, embarrassed, or scrutinised in social situations,” explains Dr Manpreet Dhuffar-Pottiwal, psychologist and TedX speaker. “Individuals with social anxiety often experience overwhelming anxiety when facing social interactions, leading to avoidance of situations that may trigger these feelings. It can significantly impair daily functioning and overall quality of life.”

And it’s not as simple as simply being an introvert, either, although there is some overlap in the characteristics. “While introversion refers to a personality trait where individuals feel more comfortable in solitary activities and may prefer less stimulating environments, social anxiety is a mental health condition that involves intense fear and avoidance of social interactions,” Dr Dhuffa-Pottiwal continues. “Introverted individuals can engage in social situations without excessive anxiety, whereas those with social anxiety experience significant distress. The key difference lies in the nature of the experience: introverts may enjoy their solitude, while those with social anxiety often dread social interactions and tend to avoid them altogether.”

We all experience anxiety in different ways, and social anxiety is no exception, but there are some common traits to look out for. 

“Social anxiety manifests in various ways, with both physical and emotional symptoms,” Helen Wells, psychotherapist and clinical director at The Dawn Rehab Thailand, tells Stylist. “The symptoms can range from mild discomfort to debilitating distress, and they often become more pronounced in high-pressure social situations such as Christmas gatherings.”

Common signs of social anxiety include:

Physical symptoms: “These might include a racing heart, sweating, trembling, dry mouth, difficulty breathing and feeling nauseated or dizzy,” says Wells. “These symptoms are often triggered by the thought of having to interact with others or participate in social activities.”

Cognitive symptoms: “Individuals with social anxiety disorder often experience catastrophic thinking,” notes Wells. “They might fear making mistakes or being judged negatively. Thoughts like ‘I’ll embarrass myself’ or ‘Everyone will think I’m strange’ are common.”

Behavioural symptoms: “People with social anxiety may avoid social events or situations altogether,” Wells says. “If they must attend, they may isolate themselves, avoid eye contact or find ways to disappear into the background to avoid attention.”

In a word, yes. Christmas is a pressure cooker of expectation and obligation, creating the perfect storm for a mental health condition to flare. 

“For many individuals with social anxiety, Christmas can exacerbate their symptoms, making the holiday season feel overwhelming,” says Wells. “The festive season typically involves large family gatherings, office parties and numerous social events, all of which can present a significant challenge for someone with social anxiety. The pressure to conform to social norms, engage in festive conversations and even the fear of awkward silences or not fitting in can all contribute to a heightened sense of anxiety, which only intensifies symptoms.” 

If all this sounds painfully familiar, help is at hand. There are things we can all do to minimise the stress and pressure of Christmas socialising and create a festive season we’re able to revel in. Keep scrolling for our expert-backed tips. 

1. Learn to say ‘no’ 

Be realistic in your invite responses, and don’t be afraid to say no to things you really don’t want to do. “For introverts who cherish quiet nights on the sofa, the pressure to connect and say yes to every invitation can feel overwhelming,” says Dr Deborah Lee, GP at Dr Fox Pharmacy. “People-pleasing is often a fast track to burnout, driven by the desire to be liked, fit in or meet others’ expectations. But constantly saying yes can mean losing control of your time and depleting your energy. When we agree to things just to keep others happy, we sacrifice authenticity – not just with ourselves, but in our relationships. It’s OK to prioritise your wellbeing and say no when you need to.”

2. Set clear boundaries 

“Recognise your limits and communicate them with family and friends,” advises Wells. “It’s important to be assertive about your needs, whether that means attending fewer events or leaving early. You don’t need to attend every family gathering or stay for the entire duration of a party. Setting boundaries allows you to maintain control over your environment and reduce feelings of overwhelm.”

3. Just be yourself 

The first thing you may want to do is to understand what your own personal preferences are. Once you understand what your deep-rooted preferences are, you can begin to accept them. Accept what you like and dislike, what makes you anxious and what makes you feel good. Then act on this. In other words, a good way to help avoid social anxiety is to accept who you are and what you’re like; there is no need to be a social butterfly. Just be you.

4. Build ‘white space’ into your festive calendar

“It’s tempting to cram every moment with festive activities, but leaving space to rest is crucial,” says Chloe Brotheridge, a clinical hypnotherapist and author of The Anxiety Solution. “Think of this as your calm buffer. Block out time for slow mornings with tea, a quiet walk in nature, an evening curled up with your favourite Christmas movie or simply an early night. White space in your calendar will give you room to breathe so you feel more resilient to the stress of Christmas.”

5. Prepare ahead 

While burying our heads in the sand and trying to think of a valid excuse for just going straight home is tempting, it’s more emotionally mature to focus on how we’re going to cope with the inevitable.

“Plan small-talk topics or strategies to excuse yourself for breaks during overwhelming moments at gatherings,” suggests Dr Suzanne Wylie, GP and medical adviser for IQdoctor. “Visualising the event can reduce uncertainty.”

6. Focus on small wins

Let’s face it: sometimes we can’t avoid that work event without causing ourselves more stress. In situations like this, try to break the event down into more manageable chunks. 

“Set manageable goals, like staying for 30 minutes or talking to one person,” suggests chartered psychologist Dr Ravi Gill. “Pick a specific topic of conversation and celebrate your progress once you get home.” 

7. Use self-help techniques. 

“If you start to feel overwhelmed, it’s OK to find a quiet spot where you can calm yourself down,” says counselling psychologist Dr Chloe Bedford. “Get some air if you can. Sometimes using grounding techniques, such as counting all the red things in the room or pushing a small bouncy ball into the palm of your hand and focusing on that sensation can help you stay in the present moment.”

Finally, if it all gets too much, you can seek professional help. “If your social anxiety is particularly severe, seeking help from a therapist can provide invaluable support,” says Wells. “Cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) is often effective for social anxiety and can help you challenge negative thought patterns, build self-confidence and reduce avoidance behaviours.”

Images: Getty