I’m on holiday. The air is warm and the sun is beating down on my skin. The hotel pool is just inches away from my sunlounger. There are no thoughts of work, friendship drama or what I’m going to make for dinner to consume me. So why do I feel… a bit empty?

Sudden mood dips aren’t anything new to me. Even at home, melancholy is something that hits at the strangest of times. On the Tube, in the park or at my work desk, I’ll get struck with a certain sadness that I know will pass, but can’t quite explain why it arrived in the first place. It’s a feeling I’m happy to sit with until it blows over, but there’s something about the pangs of gloom while abroad that feel so shameful. After all, the holiday blues are supposed to be what you get after you return from a trip, not during one. 

Perhaps it’s the guilt. How can you feel blue when you’re out seeing the world, something that is an enormous privilege in the first place? What kind of a person stands next to the Eiffel Tower or bustling markets of Cairo and feels sombre? Surely a diet of crisp rosé, ice cream and fresh local dishes is the recipe for ultimate happiness?

But as I’ve often found, the more pressure you pile on yourself to simply snap out of it, the harder it is. Holidays, as enjoyable as they are, are also a lot of pressure: financially, physically and mentally. Our constant pursuit of THE BEST TIME EVER means we’re always on and rushing towards the next exciting thing, so it’s no wonder that our emotional stores get depleted so easily.

“While going on holiday is often a source of relaxation, recharging and joy, it isn’t always this way,” agrees Dr Sophie Mort, clinical psychologist and UK mental health expert at Headspace. “We can place high expectations on how we ‘should’ feel when we get there, and if we don’t immediately snap into feeling chipper, this can make us feel like we are failing somehow.”

As Dr Mort explains, when we go on holiday our environment changes, and sometimes this can be all we need to snap us out of our worries and into the present moment. Other times, the environment changes but our worries come with us, or the stress, strains and exhaustion that we faced pre-holiday suddenly hit us once we have the time and space to finally breath and relax, meaning that instead of joy, we feel exhausted and sad. And while this feeling is perfectly normal, that doesn’t make it easy for us to accept.

When we experience these feelings, we feed ourselves a narrative of self-imposed ‘shoulds’, says Dr Mort. “We ‘should’ be grateful for being there, we ‘should’ be feeling good and in the present moment as our surroundings are new and interesting, we ‘should’ be laughing and full of joy like it seems everyone else is.”

But if we don’t meet this, the shame that we are doing something wrong arises.

If you start beating yourself up for your mood, comparing yourself to others and berating yourself for not being as happy as you seem to be on the outside, Dr Mort says that this is a sign you need to pause. “If you notice yourself feeling like you need to be doing more but that this comes with a wave of fatigue or a feeling of despondency, this is also a sign to take a break. 

“While valued activities boost mood, rushing from pillar to post and exhausting ourselves often builds stress, rather than lessens it,” she explains.

Instead, give yourself a break and drop expectations. “There is no perfect way to be on holiday, so when you notice yourself being critical or comparing and despairing, mindfully bring your attention back to the present moment and offer yourself compassion,” Mort adds. “Say to yourself: ‘This is a difficult moment for me, I am not choosing to feel like this, it will be easier if I stop being hard on myself and start being kinder.’”

Images: Getty