This week we’re chatting with Petra Velzeboer, a psychotherapist, CEO of mental health consultancy PVL and author of new book Begin With You.

Hi, Petra! If there’s One Good Thing we could all do for the sake of our mental health, what would it be?

Take time to reflect on what you personally need at this phase of your life. We’re often so rushed and busy consuming other people’s advice that we don’t pause to check in with how our body feels and what our mind needs and do what’s right for us.

Why is this so important?

I think we’re experiencing information overload in the wellbeing space. Wake up at 5am, journal, meditate, exercise, have a cold shower, affirmations, etc. People are putting pressure on themselves to ‘do wellbeing right’ and spend their extra time socialising, being creative or the Instagrammable version of wellbeing when that might not be what they need at all.

When I came out of rock-bottom addiction there was no way I could do all of those things. I slowly built up through doing one small thing at a time and learning to be honest with myself and others was a key skill enabling me to reflect on what I actually needed at each phase of my life – and then build from there. 

Yep, we can definitely relate to the pressure to get it all ‘right’. So what should we be doing differently?

It’s really about giving yourself pockets of space – which is easier said than done when it seems as though life is set up to distract us. I like reflecting first thing in the morning but you might go for a walk or check in on the weekend to set up your week effectively. Reflecting might look like daydreaming (we need more of this in our lives!) or jotting down ideas or walking to work but not listening to headphones – whatever works for you – but it’s finding pockets of space. 

What benefits could we see from doing this? 

How much time do we waste living our entire lives based on assumptions, conditioning and other people’s opinions? Wearing masks and living other people’s versions of our lives has a huge impact on poor mental health, leading us to descend into addiction, depression and anxiety.

The benefit of reflecting purposefully and being radically honest with yourself could enable you to live the truest version of your life. This is why many people don’t do it – they think that if they just don’t ask the question they can just keep soldiering on and hopefully everything will be OK – until things aren’t OK and they need to work much harder to ‘turn the ship around’ and go a different way. 

Are there any pitfalls to your One Good Thing? How can we avoid them?

I often say: listen to your body, but your body will lie to you.

This sounds like a confusing paradox as, at first, we may need to override our body’s desire to Netflix and chill 24/7 by doing small things that we know are good for us. When taking time to reflect, you’re not asking what your body wants (personally my body wants to live in a swimming pool of champagne and drink forever), you’re asking what your body and mind needs. 

You’re then crucially practising taking brave action to build up from there each day.

How do you personally do your One Good Thing?

There are several ways I do my One Good Thing.

I might reflect first thing in the morning and simply write out big ideas or small ones. Walking is a great way to reflect, so I don’t listen to anything on headphones; instead, I allow my brain time to be present and even if I’ve discussed ideas with friends, I’ll still take that time to ask myself what I want my life to look like and what my body and mind need to help sustain that.

And has this changed your life? How?

Radically! I grew up in a religious cult where groupthink and coercive control were the norm. While yes, this was extreme, I see many of the same issues in society today. In my early 20s, I descended into depression, anxiety and alcohol addiction. I was lost and almost checked out of life completely. I started reflecting with others out loud. In recovery groups, I watched other people being more honest than I’d ever seen; in therapy, I reflected with a witness, and then I read books about how other people changed their lives. And while honesty and action are key additions, creating space is powerful in a world of distraction.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

Main image: Getty; Stylist