This week, we’re chatting with neuropsychologist Dr Rachel Taylor about why you should swap your daily gratitude list for one of self-appreciation.

Hey, Rachel! If you could recommend One Good Thing everyone can do to improve their mental health, what would it be?

Forget gratitude: that often is a step too far when mood is low and mental health is suffering. Instead, nurture self-appreciation. Every day, write down three things that you’ve done to raise your value, as that is what appreciation is. They can be really simple things, like ‘I drank enough water’ or ‘I maintained boundaries when I was too tired to deal with drama’, right the way through to ‘I hit that goal I had worked towards’.

The more we can recognise and celebrate the good things we do for ourselves, the more motivation we have to do good things. It sets off a dopamine/serotonin mechanism deep within our reward and motivation circuitry in the brain.

So every day, just think: ‘How have I appreciated myself today?’ And celebrate what you have done. That’s a really good behavioural habit to get into.

Why is this your One Good Thing?

The majority of people who have poor mental health started feeling like that because they do not feel valued, they do not feel like they matter or they do not feel seen, heard or felt. 

We have to remember that human beings are extremely social and that our central nervous systems and, in particular, our brains have not evolved much from when we were all part of official tribes. It was so important for humans to be valued members of the tribe in order to live: when their brain (the basal ganglia) perceived that they were being disrespected, disregarded or devalued it sent a stress response throughout the body that alerts them that they are in potential danger – it is a life and death alert, as if people were thrown out of their tribe they would die. This is a huge problem in modern times as we live such fractured lives. A lack of good human connection and the constant comparison of others leads to low self-esteem, self-worth and self-confidence, which are the foundations of poor mental health.

Interesting. So how does self-appreciation work to undo this damage?

We have reward and motivation circuitry in the brain that is not understood by many. A person feels a need and then the action that follows to meet that need is what a reward actually is. The majority of people do not meet mental health needs with the appropriate actions/reward, which ends up exacerbating their condition. By actively appreciating what they have done, they are going to be consciously noticing what good things they have done for themselves. This will give a dopamine reminder within the brain that reinforces positive behaviour. It is a feel-good, value-raising everyday must-do.

Say we start listing off positive things we’ve done for ourselves each day. What benefits would we see?

People would see that instead of comparing themselves with others and being disempowered by not being valued, a person can learn to raise their own value and know their own worth. They will learn that rather than being ‘less than’ they actually are amazing people who do good things for themselves on a daily basis. 

Self-care is not about one day out every six months and posting a selfie on social media. Self-care is about showing up for yourself every single day, caring for yourself and meeting your needs with the appropriate action/reward.

What are some common pitfalls of your One Good thing? How can we avoid them?

A common mistake is to think that there is a hierarchy of good things to appreciate about yourself. Every single thing that you do every single day to raise your value should be noticed and applauded in order to change your motivation and reward mechanism in the brain. If all you can do is get out of bed and stand by the window for 10 minutes and feel the sun on your face, then that is an excellent bit of self-care that you have done. 

Self-care around mental health does take baby steps to master. It also takes commitment and consistency in formats that are not too overwhelming. Hence start small and keep going.

How do you personally do your One Good Thing?

I lie in bed and before I go to sleep I make a list of how I have appreciated myself. Every Monday (and I have done this for nine years now) I exchange a list of things that have happened in the week that I want to celebrate with a close friend of mine. We call it Celebration Monday, and I think we have only missed two or three Mondays due to bank holiday confusion. We applaud ourselves and we applaud each other. Some weeks we can really celebrate when the lists are sparse but meaningful, especially when we know that we have had tough times. Then we really celebrate the consistency and commitment in doing it. I thoroughly recommend it to everyone. 

I can also share that sometimes my list has just consisted of: everyone is still alive, I can breathe, I have made a soup out of carrot tops and I am able to write this list. Those weeks have been fundamental in me recognising and celebrating my ability to still appreciate myself even in the toughest of times. If anyone does want to try it, carrot top soup is extremely tasty and has a vast amount of vitamins A and C, which are extremely good for mental health.

How has doing your One Good Thing changed your life?

It has reminded me that tough times are just that, tough, and they come and they go. Being able to appreciate who I am and how I move forward has been fundamental in me being the person that I am today. 

I am not a fan of gratitude as it takes the self out of the equation and when someone feels mentally unwell they do need to be front and centre in their self-care routine. Also, it is important to remember that the majority of gratitude studies have been completed where the participants are of a certain demographic that really has cause to feel gratitude for their position in life. That is not everyone’s privilege. 

By being able to challenge socially acceptable norms and say that is not for everyone, it has changed my life – I always have different tools in my kit that are grounded in neuroscience and our interaction with the environment. I can also say that coming from a childhood where I was often given negative messages, learning to appreciate myself was instrumental in how I think, feel and treat myself now. 

Main image: Getty; Stylist

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.