This week we’re chatting with Dr Gilly Kahn, a clinical psychologist and writer currently working on a book about ADHD in women. 

Hi, Gilly! If you could recommend One Good Thing everyone can do for their mental health, what would it be?

Be your own third-person omniscient narrator. Here’s an exercise I practise as a neurodivergent psychologist and writer: whenever I feel stuck in my creative flow or in an uncomfortable emotion, I take a step back as if I’m encountering my own out-of-body experience. Then, I narrate my thoughts and behaviours from a third-person omniscient point of view.

Why is this your One Good Thing?

I think that, in general, we sometimes become too entangled within ourselves. We internalise our thoughts and feelings and lose track of our actual behaviours. This activity can help us pause and just observe our thoughts, feelings and behaviours, in a non-judgmental and possibly even light-hearted way.

I once saw a teen in therapy who told me he did this once in class while trying to understand the other teens’ behaviours. He was autistic, and it was hard for him to know what to do in each particular social situation with his peers. So, he started sitting in the corner of class and literally taking observational notes using deidentified names. The idea was honestly ingenious, assuming no one noticed he was doing it (and they didn’t). I encouraged him to continue, and this really did help him. I think it helped him because it allowed him to learn social skills in a self-compassionate and objective way.

And I believe that if we turn this activity around on ourselves, it can serve the same purpose – perhaps even a deeper one. How can we really understand and be OK with ourselves if we don’t stop and observe ourselves as we are? And there’s probably no better way to do this than in writing. Because writing is concrete, it’s in front of your face, and it requires you to shut up and create.

How do we do it?

Using this strategy requires you to make time to write about yourself, either immediately in the present moment or while reflecting on a problem you ran into earlier in the day. The thing with mental health strategies is that they are typically most effective when practised regularly. This way, the strategy becomes part of your daily routine, and so when you are really struggling, it comes more naturally to you.

As a mum with ADHD, I understand that it can be hard to maintain a routine and discipline yourself to do this regularly. So, to start, try aiming for once a week whenever you are feeling stuck, whether that involves a project, a problem you need to solve or an uncomfortable emotion.

And what kind of benefits could we see by doing this?

Notice that this is actually a mindfulness strategy that is interwoven with creative writing. Mindfulness involves noticing what’s around and within you using your senses in an objective, non-judgmental way. Practising mindfulness has been shown to have many mental health benefits, including improving concentration, relationship satisfaction, self-compassion, emotion regulation and, more generally, quality of life.

Writing also has several therapeutic benefits because it allows the writer to reflect and process their thoughts and feelings clearly. Writing can also lead to problem-solving and it can decrease stress. Interestingly, creative writing also improves empathy and social skills, so you are not only helping yourself when you write, but also your relationships.

Are there any common pitfalls of this technique? How can we avoid them?

Pitfalls can include losing track of being objective in your writing or even forgetting to do the activity.

Remember that the goal of the writing task is to take a step back and to objectively describe your behaviours, thoughts and feelings – not to judge them. If you find yourself interpreting and judging your experiences, you should pause (just like you would while practising mindfulness), and then return to the activity with the conscious effort to be objective – like an outsider looking in.

One way you can be intentional about this strategy is by scheduling it in your agenda and planning it ahead of time, so you know you’ll realistically be able to do it.

How do you personally do your One Good Thing?

I began using this strategy about a year ago when I started working on my debut book (with the working title of Allow Me To Interrupt: A Psychologist Reveals The Emotional Truth Behind Women’s ADHD). I now use it whenever I feel jaded in my writing or in my emotions.

And how has doing this changed your life for the better?

Using this strategy has improved my life in several ways. First, I’m 34, so I know myself pretty well by now. One thing I learned about myself is that I really benefit from incorporating humour into my life. I believe anyone would. We cannot take life seriously all the time. Because the truth is that life, well… it isn’t that serious. It doesn’t need to be anyway.

Taking an outsider’s stance on one’s thoughts is called cognitive defusion. This is an Acceptance and Commitment Therapy (ACT) strategy and it often involves humour. For example, while working with teens, I often teach them the strategy to think of an unhelpful thought in a funny accent. Sometimes we even write out unhelpful thoughts in fancy, colourful cursive and then decorate them with glittery stickers. It’s the inconsistency that is striking – that draws our attention to the absurdity of it.

In writing, taking a step back can be invaluable.

Have you ever written something late at night and then looked at it early the next day only to think, “What bozo wrote this nonsense? Certainly wan’t moi.”As writers and as creators, we need to habitually take a step back and view things from a fresh lens.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

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