This week we’re talking to Laura Greenwood, psychotherapist, maternal mental health activist and founder.

Hey, Laura! If you could recommend One Good Thing everyone can do to improve their mental health, what would it be? 

To become more in tune with, and self-aware of, our emotions and physiological body reactions. From this place of self-awareness, you can learn so much about who you are, your values, what is important to you and how to safely experience and regulate emotions, recognise what you need and move towards communicating those needs with others. 

Why is this your One Good Thing?

I have seen time and time again, personally and professionally in my work as a psychotherapist, that this is the greatest tool anyone can learn in managing mental wellbeing. But also, as a way of modelling emotional awareness, regulation and communication of needs and healthy boundaries to significant others. To those we have influence over. Our children. The people we mentor, teach, support and serve. We cannot change what is not working for us without being aware of what is not working in the first place. Meaningful change always begins with self-awareness. This is the catalyst for all change.

How does your One Good Thing work? 

Self-awareness of emotions and physiology comes from becoming curious about your emotions and physical sensations in general, and in reaction to particular outside events. Sometimes we can become triggered by something. Sometimes we can just get a sense of feeling something for no clear reason. We can often work hard to find a clear reason as to why we feel a particular way and a simple answer does not always exist. Sometimes there is no ‘why’ but what we can always answer is: ‘What is it telling me that I need? What is it telling me is the next right action for me?’ Being curious about our emotions rather than judging them as good or bad is key here. There really are no right or wrong emotions. They all serve a function in some way. Even the ones we may have been brought up believing are ‘bad’. Anger, envy, guilt, for example. 

See your emotions as something trying to communicate something to you. Firstly, consider how you’re feeling. Emotionally. Physically. Then consider why. What is this emotion trying to tell me? Am I angry because a boundary has been crossed, a value broken? Do I feel the need to protect myself? Is it telling me I need to set a healthy boundary? That I need to stand up for what I believe in? Am I sad because I have lost something important to me, and I need to slow down and rest while I process this? Am I envious because this is showing me something I want for myself, and I need to consider an active way as to how I might move more towards making that my reality? Is it a signal for change? Also ask yourself, what is this emotion and physiology telling me I need? To be clearer to others about what I need. To rest. To move my body to shift nervous energy. To connect with loved ones.

What benefits could we see from becoming more self-aware?

There are so many benefits to self-awareness in terms of managing our own wellbeing, living a life we love and learning to love ourselves. In being aware of our own needs, we have the opportunity to communicate and advocate for them. Or give them to ourselves if we are able to. Always moving more towards a sense of emotional balance and equilibrium. A sense of calm, having had our needs met. 

Self-awareness means we get to know our true selves, outside of our societal and familial conditioning about what the world and significant others told us we should be. Moving towards recognising we are good enough at our core, just as we are. By always being in tune with our values and needs, there really is no other perfect life to lead. A life totally in alignment with our true self and purpose in life. Imagine spending every day knowing in each moment you were making the best, most authentic, most intuitive choice for you, what that would feel like? That is available to all of us, with self-awareness. 

Also, there is nothing quite like being in the presence and energy space of someone who totally knows themselves. Someone who is assured in who they are and is confident enough to step into that and communicate their needs assertively and respectfully. Never underestimate the power that this has on positively impacting everyone around you. 

Is there any way we can get this wrong?

Self-awareness has some great gifts to share with us. However, there are times when even I think that ignorance would be bliss! Sometimes we want to be able to switch off from understanding ourselves and our experience. To live what we believe might be a simpler life. This thinking is usually short-lived when we remember the downsides of being unaware of ourselves and our emotions. 

It takes routine commitment to check in with yourself in order to continually understand your emotional landscape. This is not an I can do this for a few months and then I’m done-type technique. It is a lifestyle choice. A choice I believe has so many benefits that the time and commitment is worth it, but others may disagree. Sometimes, we can jump to trying to ‘fix’, ‘get over’, or ‘move through’ our feelings too soon. Grief, for example, is a complex process that involves a mixture of emotions all present for different reasons. When we allow ourselves to feel all of them, without trying to rush them, you will find you process grief much more effectively than you could ever anticipate. Yet, it is uncomfortable to sit in your pain and allow it to be there for as long as it needs to. Sometimes, the need to avoid the discomfort outweighs our motivation to process it as it is meant to be. 

How do you personally do your One Good Thing? 

I check in with myself multiple times a day. How am I feeling? Emotionally and physically. What do I need? Right now, overall. When can I give it to myself? Do I need to communicate this need to help me achieve it? This helps me listen to my intuition, guide my decision making and generally plan my life. I do this throughout the day through inner dialogue. Through journaling. Through walking. 

Walking is when I do my best self-reflection and emotional processing. I do this by giving myself small periods of time and space in my day to listen to what my instincts and emotions are telling me. We cannot listen to the wisdom of our emotions and physiology if we do not create space for them to talk to us. As woo-woo as that sounds! 

How has doing this changed your life? 

I truly believe it has helped me build and grow a successful business, now at 20 months, with no business experience at all, without compromising my mental health. It supports me to be a more present, patient, graceful, compassionate, mother, wife, friend and overall human being. I feel more aligned with myself and my values than ever before because I know in each moment what feels right and wrong. Getting to know our true selves, at our core, is one of the greatest gifts we can give to ourselves. It means we live each day authentically, and I can confirm it supports you to find joy in everyday moments. It helps us to grow through grief and trauma in a way that enriches our lives, rather than holds us back.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.