This week we’re talking to Dr Sarah Davies, a chartered counselling psychologist and the author of How to Leave a Narcissist for Good.

Hi, Sarah! If you could recommend One Good Thing everyone can do to improve their mental health, what would it be?

Practise the attitude of gratitude. Take time to pause each day and reflect on all you feel grateful for, no matter how big or small. Taking time to write a gratitude list every day can have a positive impact on your mental health.

Why is practising gratitude your One Good Thing?

It’s a simple yet powerful practice. It can really change how you feel. Whenever we might be drifting into or stuck in a negative mindset, thinking about all we can be grateful for can put a stop to that and shift our perspective.

How do we start to practise gratitude?

To practise gratitude you simply take time each day to sit and think about or write about all you feel grateful for. You can do a list of top 10 things. Or keep going to note as many things as you possibly can. Some days there might only be one or only a few things to feel grateful for. But the main thing is to keep practising this every day.

What are the benefits of this approach?

Our frame of mind, what we think and how we think is intrinsically linked to our mood. Getting into a habit of bringing conscious awareness and appreciation to all there is to be grateful for facilitates a positive mindset shift. It helps halt any negative thinking habits and helps bring about a much more balanced and helpful perspective. One that can leave us feeling more positive.

How do you personally do your One Good Thing?

At the end of each day, I mentally run through my day, from the moment I wake up, thinking through all that happened during the day. I think about all the things I feel grateful for. Every single one. It might be that it wasn’t raining, that I have a roof over my head, food, good coffee, peace, my health, a nice chat with a friend, a job I love, a nice walk with my dog, having a comfy bed… anything and everything that comes to mind.

How has doing this changed your life for the better?

When I experienced narcissistic abuse, it was one of the most horrific, traumatising things I have been through in my life. Anyone who has experienced this knows it is quite the emotional rollercoaster: there is shock, confusion, anger, sadness, fear… it’s difficult to make sense of what has happened. It’s one of the most psychologically abusive things someone can go through. The shock and trauma of narcissistic abuse can leave you feeling quite stuck. 

I found trying to foster an attitude of gratitude helped me shift through this and supported my healing and recovery. As strange as it might sound, thinking about what there is to be grateful for from such an awful experience really helps. And it helped me move forward. It wasn’t easy to start with, but I kept trying to think about what I could be grateful for. To begin with, I could be grateful it had ended. I could be grateful that I realised what I had been through and found there was a name for this. I was grateful I knew there was a way out and a roadmap to recovery. I’m grateful to have learned so much from this and for having been propelled by the personal growth that came as a consequence. I’m grateful to have worked on understanding healthy boundaries and communication – my relationships have only improved as a result. I’m infinitely grateful to have had my experience and to be able to help and support many other people in their journey.

The practice of gratitude is powerful and once you get started it can take on a force of its own. I suggest everyone should give it a try and write a gratitude list every day for a month and see how you find it.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

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