Enquire about compassionate leave

At the moment, paid leave only exists for stillbirths after 24 weeks of pregnancy, but that doesn’t mean you both can’t take compassionate leave for miscarriage. More and more workplaces are recognising the fact that people need time off after pregnancy loss and some will have specific policies in place.

If you or your partner works for a company without those measures, you can both still ask to take compassionate leave. It might be that you need a fit note from your GP (which can be issued for both physical and mental health) if you want to take more than a day or two.

Understand that your partner might not be ready to chat yet

“The biggest lesson [my partner and I] learned [after miscarriage] was about having communication boundaries,” says Emma. “I needed to talk things through but doing so with him would have put him in a bad place, so I knew to lean on friends rather than rely on his support alone – and vice versa. We’ve always been super open with each other, so it was an adjustment to not unload as default. Recognising that we were processing in different ways and at different rates was important.”

Know that any and all feelings are valid

Ben says: “In retrospect, the best support would be the knowledge that non-birthing partners’ emotional response is valid and needs to be considered, especially if you don’t have friends and family you can rely on.” That might mean chatting to your partner, a mate, keeping a journal or seeking more formal support.

Evans stresses the importance of recognising and affirming that their loss is real and significant. “Avoid minimising their feelings or comparing their grief to yours.”

Seek professional support

After miscarriage, it’s worth encouraging non-birthing partners “to talk to a counsellor or join a support group to connect with others who understand their experience”, says Evans. Check out the British Association of Counselling and Psychotherapy (BACP) or Welldoing.org to find someone who matches your requirements. You can also talk to your GP, but remember that waiting lists for NHS therapists can be lengthy.

Miscarriage can be traumatic for dads and non-birthing partners – here’s how to support them through it