If the idea of someone not liking you – even if it’s for the most minuscule, non-character-related reason – fills you with dread, then you’re not alone. While there’s nothing wrong with wanting to be accepted in your community (it’s part of the survival instinct that kept our ancestors alive, after all), in 2024, many of us have taken our mission to ‘be liked’ to extremes.

It’s an issue that’s particularly prevalent among women. As young girls, we’re taught that being sweet, good and likeable is one of the most important things we can be, and social media has only amplified the value we place on the approval of others.

It’s hardly surprising, then, that people-pleasing has come to be seen as a positive thing – that it’s simply part of being a ‘good person’. But we’ll let you in on a little secret: it’s not. In fact, people-pleasing and the urge for external validation can be hugely detrimental to your health and wellbeing – no matter how essential a behaviour it’s portrayed to be.

The big mistake we all make when we try to be ‘likeable’, according to a psychotherapist