This week we’re talking to Kamalyn Kaur, a psychotherapist and anxiety expert.

Hi, Kamalyn! If you could recommend One Good Thing everyone can do to improve their mental health, what would it be?

As a psychotherapist and anxiety expert, I would recommend that everyone should do a ‘judgment detox’ at some point in their lives. This involves consciously letting go of unhelpful thoughts, opinions, attitudes and beliefs you hold about yourself, others and the world.

Why is this your One Good Thing?

Judgment is a natural part of human interaction. Our brains are analytical and programmed to constantly assess and analyse situations, helping us determine what is or isn’t safe. However, there are times when these judgments are a hindrance rather than a help.

In a world where we are surrounded my constant comparisons, societal expectations, and the allure of social media, it is easy to fall into the trap of passing inaccurate judgments on ourselves or others. These judgments can lead to negativity, stress and strained relationships, and hinder both personal and professional growth.

A judgment detox can break this limiting cycle. 

Interesting. So how do we do it?

There are three key steps involved in doing a judgment detox:

1. Increase self-awareness 

This involves being attuned to your thoughts, opinions and beliefs. it involves recognising judgmental tendencies and understanding the triggers that ignite them. Notice where your judgments are coming from and get curious about why they are there. Ask yourself whether those judgments even belong to you or whether they have been passed onto you from others or through your upbringing? Write your observations in a journal every day for a month to help you become mindful of your thoughts – this exercise is great for becoming aware of how you judge others, yourself and the world you live in.

2. Cultivate open-mindedness 

Challenge your own judgments. More often than not, we hold judgments passed onto us by others rather than based on our own experience. An example is, if you grew up in a household where you heard “men can’t be trusted”, then regardless of your own experience, you may judge men as being untrustworthy, jeopardising chances of you developing healthy relationships.

The next time you have a judgmental thought, try the ‘courtroom challenge’. Ask yourself: What proof do I have this judgmental thought is not true? And then list all the facts and evidence that prove the thought is untrue. Assessing situations based on facts and evidence allows you to make rational, well-informed decisions rather than quick judgments based on fear, worries and insecurities.

3. Practise gratitude and positive self-talk

This is crucial in rewiring the brain as it places focus on positivity, reduces negativity and releases judgment. Adopting this ‘attitude of gratitude’ can help with focusing on what you have now rather than dwelling on the past or judging situations through the lens of past experiences. In addition to this, the power of positive self talk can help you challenge negative beliefs, opinions and views that you hold about yourself by consciously replacing them with affirming and constructive ones.

The ‘morning gratitude exercise’ is great for reinforcing this step. It involves focusing on three things you are grateful for that morning eg a good night’s sleep, your health, a loving family, your partner, your home. This sets the tone for the rest of the day by putting you in a positive mindset.

What are the benefits of doing a judgment detox?

There is a long list of benefits of doing a judgment detox:

• Feeling happier, healthier and less stressed
• Feeling more emotionally secure within yourself 
• Being more open to new experiences and opportunities in life as you become less guarded
• Becoming more mindful and focused on the present, allowing you to let go of the past
• Creating new connections as you give people a chance as opposed to shutting them out based on preconceived judgments
• Improved self-confidence and a stronger sense of self-worth as you become more accepting of yourself and the world that you live in

What are some common pitfalls of your One Good Thing? How can we avoid them?

One of the most common pitfalls is that people believe the judgment is keeping them ‘safe’ and protecting them from ‘getting hurt’. This is a misconception – something your subconscious brain is telling you out of habit. The truth is that those judgmental thoughts are holding you hostage in your life and are stopping you from moving forward or living life to your fullest.

Change your mindset about judgment. Don’t see it as something helpful. Instead, see it as a hindrance and become aware of all the negative impact that judgment has in your own life. Make a list of all these negatives, eg is it holding you back? Is it keeping you stuck in a certain situation or relationship? Is it making you unhappy? Does it stop you from taking that promotion or next step in your career?

This will help you to realise that being judgmental isn’t a positive trait but one that limits your full potential.

How do you personally do your One Good Thing?

Anytime I have a judgmental thought, either about myself, another person or about a situation – I challenge it by looking for facts and evidence. If there are no facts or evidence to prove that my judgmental thought is true, I ignore it and don’t let it stop me from doing what I was planning on doing.

And how has doing this changed your life?

It has changed my life for the better – I am open to new experiences; I put myself in situations that I wouldn’t have considered putting myself in before and have been able to push myself out of my comfort zone, allowing me to grow in both my personal and professional life. My life has definitely become more enriched as a result of the judgment detox. 

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

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