This week we’re chatting with Quinn Clark, a writer, researcher and the author of new book 365 Days Of Healing (published by Summersdale).

Hi, Quinn! If you could recommend One Good Thing everyone can do to benefit their mental health, what would it be?

Allow yourself to feel the full spectrum of your emotions. That means examining which emotions you ‘perform’, and which emotions you bottle up, repress and shove right to the back of your mind, never to see the light of day. There’s no such thing as ‘good’ or ‘bad’ emotions – and yes, that includes emotions like anger, sadness and envy.

Interesting… why is this your One Good Thing?

Before I was diagnosed with complex post-traumatic stress disorder (CPTSD), I had a myriad of strange, inexplicable health symptoms that plagued my life for years. It turns out that going through trauma and ‘powering through’ the pain stresses the body so much that it can impact your mental and physical health. Accepting all of your emotions rather than fighting them is an incredibly important step in trauma recovery. 

So how do we start to embrace all those emotions?

When we ignore our emotions, they don’t just vanish: they fester inside. When our emotions arise, we can take a step back and try to observe them without judgment. This is developing our emotional intelligence or the ability to identify, understand and utilise our emotions to our advantage.

For instance, let’s say you have a negative view of your own anger and try to shove it down whenever possible. No one can be calm all the time, and chances are, you’ll eventually crack. When this happens, you might spiral and think you’re the worst person alive… or go to the opposite extreme and think any poor behaviour because of your anger is justified because you ‘never get to be angry’.

The truth is that emotions are morally neutral… and our emotions are not our behaviour. Emotions inform our behaviour, but more often than not, we have a choice in how we behave. Listening to your emotions instead of shoving them down helps you make informed decisions about how you respond to difficult situations, letting you be more in control of your life.

What benefits could we start to see by giving ourselves permission to feel all emotions?

Repressed emotions have a tendency to erupt like a volcano when we least expect it and at magnitudes we can’t anticipate. My condition means I dissociate, or disconnect from my emotions, body and/or reality against my will. It’s a defence mechanism I can’t control, designed to stop my brain and body from enduring the stress of re-experiencing trauma. Even the tiniest bit of stress, including big emotions, can cause my brain to ‘tap out’.

However, my emotions and memories do come back, and they’re often more powerful than they were originally. The more you accept and validate your emotions when they crop up, the less likely those ‘eruptions’ are to happen later. Over time, your body and brain will be less stressed: you’ll be able to sleep better, think more clearly and avoid the nasty consequences of being tense all of the time. Plus, if you’re prone to dissociation, you’ll be far more in touch with yourself, your emotions and your life on a day-to-day basis.

Are there any ways we can get this process ‘wrong’? How can we avoid any common pitfalls?

When you first start letting all of your emotions ‘speak’, you may find yourself overwhelmed by how much you’ve been holding back. This may cause us to become fixated on our difficult emotions: we may micromanage every feeling we have or overshare to our loved ones by bringing up tough subjects during inappropriate times.

The key is balance. Imagine that your emotions are a committee, and everyone has their turn to speak at the table. No one emotion is more important than the other, and every single one needs to be listened to. This is an idea taught in dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT), a type of therapy for people who have strong emotions. But you don’t need to be in DBT to understand these principles. Believe it or not, the Pixar film Inside Out does a great job of showcasing this idea. I’m not ashamed to admit, I sobbed when I first watched it.

How do you personally do your One Good Thing?

I take time to check in with my emotions every day. Sometimes it’s through journaling, talking to someone close to me or deliberately taking time away from work and obligations to think. Some days it’s harder than others. When you’re traumatised, your traumatic memories haven’t been processed properly. They sort of ‘sit on top’ of your brain, and when they get triggered, you feel all that same fear and anger and desperation to live, just as if it’s happening for the first time.

You can understand why it’s hard to convince a person going through a traumatic flashback that all of their emotions are valid – listening to our fear and pain also means opening up those old wounds. That’s why we dissociate, lash out or try to justify our trauma by insisting it’s our fault. So even though it’s been conditioned into me to keep quiet and repress those emotions, every time I’m able to speak my mind or pinpoint the root of a big emotion, I am taking care of myself and my mental health. 

And how has doing this changed your life for the better?

Realising that none of my emotions are ‘bad’ and all serve a vital function has been transformative in my trauma recovery. When you’ve learned to repress all of your emotions, you end up thinking that you are broken and need to live your life apologising for your existence. That’s not true; you’re just a person. And as ‘just a person’, you have the same rights that all persons do… including the ability to experience all of your emotions without shame, judgment or fear.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

Images: Adobe