Last year I spent nearly £7,000 on self-care.

This included flights to Mexico, Europe and across several states in the US. Beautiful all-inclusive five-star hotels. Relaxing spa days. Monthly ClassPass subscriptions for guided Lagree pilates and yoga sessions. A new lace-front wig. Shopping sprees at Zara and Gymshark. Peonies from Trader Joe’s. Right-to-my-doorstep UberEats and DoorDash deliveries from my favourite sushi spots. Tear-filled therapy sessions. Calming chamomile teas. Hydrating face masks from Sephora. And soothing bath bombs infused with just the right amount of lavender oil.

Each indulgence felt worth it. I lived in the moment. I escaped from stressful events with a commitment to do what felt right for me. I enjoyed my version of self-care – it was what I needed to make myself feel better.

But after reviewing my 2023 bank statement and taking in my self-care expenses, I had a realisation: the stressors I thought I was addressing through lavender bubble baths were still ever-present and looming.

Even after relaxing on a serene beach in Cabo, I still felt stressed about my workload. Despite sweating out my silk press in a pilates class, I was still anxious about my difficult-to-reach friends. Hours spent trying on sets in Zara and filling my home with beautiful peonies didn’t alleviate my resentment toward a former colleague who didn’t support me during a team meeting.

Contrary to my expectations for a self-care hit every time I swiped my card after each inconvenience, trigger or difficult experience, the luxuries and lavishness didn’t relieve me. These activities were a temporary fix for problems or stressors that developed over time, and the impact of the stressors required more than just an UberEats delivery.

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