It’s a running joke among my friends that I’m consistently around 10 minutes late for everything. Luckily, they’re super understanding of my tardiness – as one of my close friends says, they consider me ‘always late, but worth the wait’.

And while I count myself lucky that they see it this way, the fact is that being late all the time is stressful – both for me and for those left waiting. Many people see it as rude and selfish (two things I would hate to be accused of), but there are myriad reasons that some of us just can’t seem to stick to a schedule. So, can a late leopard really change its spots, or do we just have to accept we’re not all hardwired to be on time? 

In the interests of keeping my friends and not alienating strangers, I asked the experts to find out more. 

If you deal with lateness on a semi-regular basis, you’ll have become pretty good at predicting who is going to arrive first – or last – to any kind of gathering. Some of us are always early while others just can’t seem to keep to a schedule for love nor money.

And we get it – it can be super frustrating for early types to hang around waiting for our tardy mates. But before we judge, you might be interested to know that the reasons for lateness can be complex, ranging from habit and poor time management to neurodiversity (folks with ADHD in particular can find timekeeping challenging) and anxiety.

“Procrastinators tend to delay tasks until the last minute, leaving little room for unforeseen delays,” explains chartered psychologist Dr Louise Goddard-Crawley. “This behaviour is usually connected with anxiety, perfectionism or low self-esteem, all of which can contribute to chronic lateness. On the other hand, some individuals are more impulsive by nature, which can lead to spontaneous decisions or distractions that cause them to run late. Impulsivity can also make it difficult to resist the temptation of procrastinating.”

Whatever the reason for it, lateness is generally seen as a negative trait. So, what can we do about it? “Being late is a habit, a learned behaviour that can be changed if you put in the conscious effort,” advises psychotherapist and anxiety expert Kamalyn Kaur. “In order to change you will need to become aware of why you are late in the first place and then put the necessary changes in place.”

The good news is, according to female leadership coach Jude Kempton, there are things we can do to work on our timekeeping.

“I work with many clients who describe their experience as feeling ‘time blind’; being late is a common theme,” she says. “But there are strategies you can put in place to help.” 

Late because you lose track of time?

If you suffer from time blindness or you’re easily distracted, you’ll need some external reminders to keep you on track.

“Set alarms to alert you when it is time to get moving,” advises Kempton. “If you need to leave the house at 8.10am to catch your train, set an alarm for 8am to put your shoes on and start getting ready to leave.”

Simply changing your clock to an earlier time can also help – as long as you don’t then override it because you know it’s 10 minutes fast (it’s me, hi).

Always late because you are trying to cram too much in?

Now this can be a really positive characteristic (and one that I plead, frequently), known as an optimistic bias. If you always think you can do just one more job before you leave the house, this one’s for you.

“Notice your distractions and support yourself to stay focused,” says Kempton. “If you need to leave at a certain time to meet friends but you’re suddenly overcome with the urge to hang that picture that’s been leaning against your wall for five months, park it by allocating a specific time for the task when you will realistically be able to do it. Write it on your calendar, then go meet your friends.”

Try time-chunking

For procrastinators, breaking tasks into smaller, more manageable steps can make them feel less overwhelming and reduce the urge to delay, says Dr Goddard-Crawley. “Establishing a consistent daily routine can help you build good habits and reduce the likelihood of procrastination or impulsive behaviour,” she adds. “Use alarms or smartphone reminders to prompt you to start tasks or prepare for appointments in advance.”

Sharing your new timeliness goals with a friend, family member or therapist can be helpful, too. They may be able to provide support and encouragement as you work on becoming more punctual.

Learn to say no

We didn’t say this was going to be easy. You might have to get comfortable with feeling like you’re disappointing people or letting them down once in a while. But remember – in the long run, it’s kinder to others (and yourself) if you’re realistic about what you’re going to be capable of.

“If you know that you are going to struggle to make things on time or if you will be rushing around then just say no,” says Kaur. “It is perfectly OK to turn things down once in a while if it means you are not rushing from one place to another, consequently leading to stress and anxiety. 

Late because you have too much to do?

Well, if this isn’t all of us right now. Life is crazy hectic, so how do some people manage to be on time, when we’re always rushing and flustered? The key here is organisation.

“Try prepping the day before, when you aren’t under the time pressure to leave,” advises Kempton. “Lay out your outfit, pack your bag, make sure you know where your keys are. Write a list of anything that can’t be prepped and has to be done last minute, so you aren’t scrambling under stress.”

Build yourself time buffers

“When individuals with skewed time perception and an optimistic bias plan their schedules or appointments, they do so based on their unrealistic time estimates,” says Dr Goddard-Crawley. “This inaccurate planning can result in a packed schedule with insufficient time buffers. As a result, they’re more likely to run into delays and disruptions but have not allocated extra time to account for these factors.”

Lastly, remember to be kind to yourself. “Overcoming lateness may take time and practice,” advises Kaur, “so it is important to be patient with yourself while you make the conscious effort to change.”

Images: Getty