The things we think will make us happy rarely do. We tell ourselves we’ll be happy when we get a big pay rise, when we get a certain number of likes on an Instagram post, when that unattainable person messages back or when we buy something fancy. But these are all momentary happiness highs, not routes to genuine contentment.

What truly makes us happy, then? It’s not flash-in-the-pan excitement, but the daily habits that might seem a bit, well, boring. It’s those science-backed acts that see us consciously directing ourselves towards genuine joy. 

These are the kinds of things that Dr Laurie Santos, a cognitive scientist and professor of psychology at Yale University, encourages people to look towards as part of her hugely popular (and free) course, The Science Of Wellbeing. “Here’s the truth: the secret to happiness lies in our daily actions and mindset,” she tells Stylist. “But we often get confused about what really makes us happy.”

Santos’s course is well worth your time. Over three weeks, you learn about the science of happiness and get set tasks that build contentment. But before you commit to the course, you might want a taster session – and that’s exactly what you’ll find here. Ahead, Dr Santos shares five tips, all grounded in science, that she shares with her students at Yale. All of these are about building habits that will make you happier, and all of them can be done right now… because happiness doesn’t lie in waiting for something external to arrive, but from your actions. 

We know you know this, but an important reminder: comparison is a thief of joy, a guaranteed way to make yourself feel rubbish, and generally a complete waste of time. No good can be found in assessing yourself against someone else’s best, most visible bits and burying yourself in ‘shoulds’. 

“Comparing yourself to others, whether through social media or in person, can negatively impact your mood,” Santos explains. “To build lasting happiness, stop these comparisons and reset your reference points.

“Focus on your own progress and achievements instead of measuring success against others. Set personal goals that reflect your values and priorities, and celebrate your milestones, no matter how small. By shifting your perspective from external comparisons to internal growth, you cultivate a sense of contentment and joy that is resilient to external pressures. Remember, happiness is about your journey, not how it stacks up to others.”

Santos says: “Setting goals is a powerful way to boost happiness and wellbeing, but the key is to be specific. Researchers emphasise goal specificity and a practice developed by the psychologist Gabriele Oettingen known as the WOOP method: wish, outcome, obstacles and plan. Start by clearly defining your wish: what is your overall desire? For example: ‘I want to be the kind of person that meditates daily.’ Then visualise the positive outcomes and identify potential obstacles. Finally, create detailed if-then plans to navigate challenges and excuses automatically. This approach makes goal achievement easier and increases your chances of success, turning your happiness aspirations into reality.”

Found yourself with some space in your budget for non-essentials? You’d be far better off spending that on a day out with friends than on a pair of earrings, no matter how nice that jewellery may be. 

“When your paycheck comes in at the end of the month, it’s tempting to splurge on a new pair of shoes or some other material possession that provides temporary satisfaction,” notes Santos. “But research shows that at every income level, experiential purchases make us happier than material ones.

“Instead of shopping for that fleeting material thrill, plan a trip with your friends or family, or check out that new show everyone’s raving about. Experiences like these enrich your life, create lasting memories and boost your overall happiness. So, ditch the shopping spree for the next clothing item or gadget and invest in moments that truly matter.”

“To fight hedonic adaptation, you can use the power of gratitude – the simple act of noticing what’s good in life and feeling thankful for your blessings. Research shows that writing down what you’re grateful for – what’s often known as a gratitude list – can significantly improve your wellbeing in just a few weeks. So take time to notice all that’s good in your life so you can feel that happiness impact once again.”

“Your environment plays a crucial role in building habits for happiness,” says Santos. “Surround yourself with positive influences and create a space that supports your wellbeing. This concept, known as situation support, emphasises that the visibility and convenience of engaging in positive habits matter.

“For example, make healthy choices visible and easily accessible, while keeping negative temptations out of sight. You can also use the people around you as situation support: surround yourself with positive influences and create a social environment that fosters happiness and personal growth too.”

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

Images: Adobe; Getty