Tess* considers herself a pretty laid-back person. The 28-year-old production executive says she tends not to stew on others’ ill-chosen comments or stress out over perceived slights. But, she admits, there has been one major exception to her “life’s too short” philosophy. After she was overlooked for a leadership position at work, the successful candidate, Meg* – a new hire and now also her new boss – started to take credit for her work, and Tess couldn’t help but seethe.

“I never thought I’d be the grudge-holding type at all,” she tells Stylist. “But it just made me so angry, especially at a time when I was feeling so undervalued at work. It didn’t help that [we worked] in quite a social industry, so she was always there for after-work drinks and I had to play nice when I was actually fuming. It ended up draining so much of my energy.”

Eventually, Tess moved on to another job, but the bad vibes linger. “I still see her when I meet up with old work friends, and I can almost feel it physically, that annoyance,” she explains. “My jaw tenses up; I can almost feel the blood pumping.” 

Tess’s experience will likely resonate with anyone who has secretly nursed a long-term grievance: whether it’s a lump in our throats when we recall a hurtful memory, a pounding heart or a tightness around the forehead, a grudge can make its presence felt through all sorts of not-so-pleasant sensations.