It’s easy to chart those massive, joyous moments in your life. You land the job you really, really wanted. You go on holiday and see a truly beautiful landscape. You get married. 

But the reality is that the majority of our days are not spent on these big momentous things. As a result, we can’t let our happiness depend on big moments of joy alone… otherwise, we’d spend most of our time feeling pretty miserable. Instead, we need to look out for microjoys and spend time really appreciating them. But not just microjoys – also moments of calm, quiet and comfort. 

These are ‘glimmers’, a term that you’ve likely seen popping up all over social media. A ‘glimmer’ is a concept coined by Deb Dana, a social worker, and essentially describes the opposite of a trigger. While a trigger kicks off negative thoughts and emotions – fear, anxiety, depressive spirals – a glimmer sparks positive ones. You might see a glimmer and feel happy, comforted, safe or calmed. 

“Glimmers are internal or external cues (ie things you feel, see, touch, taste or hear) that cause us to feel connected (to the world and the people around you) or regulated (ie gives you a sense of safety or calmness),” Dr Sophie Mort, clinical pychologist and mental health expert at Headspace, tells Stylist. You can imagine them as safety cues that tell your nervous system it’s OK; you are OK.

“Glimmers don’t tend to lead to euphoric moments; instead, they gently nudge us towards ease, relaxation, connection and a feeling that the world is OK. And, they can be fleeting.

“We will all have our own specific brand of glimmers and they can be found in a number of different places and senses.”

Some common glimmers include:

• Comforting words from a friend 
• Cuddles with a pet
• Watching your favourite TV show
• Being in nature – ie admiring your garden or seeing the stars in the sky
• Time alone in the morning 
• Dinner with a loved one
• Reminiscent noises – ie church bells, music and hearing your favourite song play

Glimmers might just sound like nice things (a croissant in the morning, cuddling a cat, reading a good book), but their impact on our mental health can be bigger than you’d think. 

“Glimmers soothe our nervous system. They tell our brain and body that we are safe, and it’s OK,” Dr Mort notes. “In a fast-paced and stressful world, we can all benefit from spotting glimmers. Particularly as we have a natural tendency to look for and remember the bad.

“Glimmers can be especially valuable for people who have experienced trauma in the past. Trauma can lead our body to be in a constant state of high alert, interpreting all environmental cues as dangerous. Learning to spot glimmers – and also purposefully identifying specific glimmers that work for you and building them into your life – can be an integral part of someone’s recovery.

“If we build a practice of noticing glimmers and also building them into our day, we can counter our natural tendency to focus only on the negative, and we can create an environment where our nervous system is most likely to be calm and regulated.”

It can be tricky to retrain your brain to notice the good rather than the bad… or to simply recognise those smaller, subtler moments as worthy of celebration. It may take some time – so be gentle with yourself and don’t be critical if your world isn’t instantly glimmer-a-plenty. 

Building a mindfulness and meditation practice can help, says Dr Mort, because it can “increase our awareness of the moment, the world around us and how we feel in response to certain cues and experiences”. 

Another idea that’s worth trying: challenge yourself to note down a certain number of glimmers each day. Keep a glimmer journal, writing down each little thing that made you feel good that day.

If you’re not sure what your glimmers are (they are different for different people, after all), Dr Mort suggests keeping a diary “dedicated to noting where you were and what happened any time you felt calm, safe and connected to the people and the world around you, as this can help solidify the importance of glimmers”.

“Once you have a list of glimmers that soothe you, you know what to do or look out for in moments when you might be feeling anxious,” she adds. “You will also then be able to purposefully incorporate as many glimmers into your day as you would like (increasing the amount during times of stress) to create moments of comfort even when the world around you remains fast-paced.”

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

Images: Getty; Stylist