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Frame Of Mind
What it means to ‘drive the CAR’ – and how it can help your mental health
By Ellen Scott
2 years ago
4 min read
Feeling a little out of control? Learning to drive the CAR could help, says holistic health expert Angela D Coleman.
With everything going on in the world – political division, the climate crisis, the cost of living crisis, all the other crises – it’s only natural to feel overwhelmed, anxious and out of control.
Sadly, we can’t fix all these massive problems, but what we can do is shift how we respond to them. A good technique to help us do that, says Angela D Coleman, a holistic health expert and author of The Art Of Chilling Out For Women, is learning to ‘drive the CAR’.
Don’t worry, this isn’t anything to do with an actual vehicle. Instead, it’s an acronym that you can keep in mind whenever something knocks you off course.
“CAR is an acronym that I created to attain and maintain peace and balance, despite all of the wild and crazy things that might be going on around you,” Coleman tells Stylist. “While you do not have control over these changes, you can still have control over yourself. It is a process for managing yourself when things change, which things inevitably will at some point.
“Driving the CAR gives us back our power (locus of control) and frames change in a positive light, which is good for our mental health. Instead of seeing ourselves as victims and holding on to the past, we can take charge of our destiny by not fighting the past, but relaxing and letting go toward a bright future instead.
“Instead of resisting change, we can move through it. We move through it by driving the CAR.”
Let’s break it down.
C is for ‘change acceptance’
Change acceptance might be the easiest concept to understand, but the trickiest to do. It’s about accepting that change is inevitable, that nothing can say the same forever and no longer denying or resisting these shifts.
“Change acceptance can be the hardest first step, even though it is also the simplest,” Coleman says. “Most of us get stuck here the longest. Acceptance implies some degree of submission, but it is actually a demonstration of personal power to accept the change that has occurred and move forward.”
A is for ‘adaptive action’
“Adaptive action can only happen after we realise that the change is here to stay and we embrace the opportunity to change, too; adaptive action occurs after change acceptance,” Coleman notes. “It requires embracing a fluid (not rigid) approach.”
Adaptive action is exactly what it sounds like – taking concrete actions that are adapted to the situation in which you now find yourself.
So, for example, let’s say a relationship has broken down. You’ve accepted the loss of this person… now what? Do you want to stay single for a while? If so, it’s time to consciously dedicate some time to solo self-reflection. Or do you want to get back out on the dating scene? In that case, your adaptive action might be getting on the apps, meeting new people, saying ‘yes’ to that date. But also, you’ll need to ask yourself: what do I need to do differently this time around, with all the lessons I’ve learned from this change?
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R is for ‘relaxation and letting go’
It’s tempting to want to skip past C and A and jump straight to R, but here’s the thing: you have to accept the change and tweak your actions before you can truly move into a state of relaxation.
The final step is letting go of what used to be, embracing the new state of being, and feeling able to take on the challenge. No more living in the past and wishing things could go back to the way they are – you know that life has shifted, but you’re able to move with the tide.
“Relaxation and letting go is the final stage because we have to let go old behaviours and allow the flow of new information and ideas to direct us to new ones,” Coleman adds.
Angela D Coleman is the author of The Art Of Chilling Out For Women, a holistic health expert and the founder of global nonprofit Sisterhood Agenda.
Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.
Main image: Getty; Stylist
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