After an episode of mental collapse following years of burnout, I quit my job, and it was agreed with my former workplace that I would be put on gardening leave. For the uninitiated, gardening (or garden) leave is when a person is still considered an employee of a company and receives full pay and benefits, but they do not work during their notice period.

When I was first told I’d be taking three months off, I felt a mix of relief and trepidation. My body and mind were exhausted, but the prospect of such an extended period without work was daunting. What I discovered, however, was a transformative journey that reshaped my approach to mental health, productivity, and self-compassion.

Here are the lessons I learned during this unexpected but invaluable hiatus.

The initial weeks of gardening leave were unsettling. I was used to a frenetic pace, constant engagement, and the sense of purpose that work provided. With this sudden pause, I felt adrift. It was during this time that I finally acknowledged the need for professional help and began therapy.

Therapy became a cornerstone of my garden leave. Speaking with a therapist allowed me to unpack years of accumulated stress, work-related anxiety, and personal challenges I had pushed aside in the name of productivity. It was a safe space where I could explore my emotions, identify unhealthy patterns, and develop healthier coping strategies.

One of the most significant insights from therapy was understanding the importance of setting boundaries. In my old life, I had blurred the lines between work and personal time, often sacrificing sleep, relaxation and social connections to meet professional demands. My therapist helped me realise that without clear boundaries, burnout was inevitable.

Establishing limits around work, even in a remote or flexible environment, was crucial to maintaining my mental health.

Alongside therapy, I started taking SSRIs to help manage my anxiety and depression. There is a persistent stigma that looms around taking medication for your mental health, but it’s crucial to push aside external influences and embrace autonomy. Taking charge of yourself and doing whatever you need to do to feel better is the purest form of self-love.

As the weeks progressed, I felt a growing need to do something that would help me feel reconnected with myself and nature. As an avid hiker, the idea of solo hiking intrigued me, offering both a physical challenge and an opportunity for introspection. Armed with a sturdy pair of hiking boots, a supply of audiobooks (thanks Sarah J. Maas for A Court of Thornes and Roses) and a route downloaded from Strava, I set out on my first solo hike.

Solo hiking was transformative in ways I hadn’t anticipated. The physical exertion combined with the tranquillity of nature provided a much-needed respite from the constant mental chatter of everyday life. Each hike became a moving meditation, where the rhythmic crunch of leaves underfoot and the rustle of trees in the wind replaced the incessant ping of notifications and emails.

The solitude of the trails gave me space to reflect and connect with myself on a deeper level. Away from the pressures of work and social obligations, I could listen to my thoughts without judgment. I began to appreciate the present moment, finding joy in the simple act of walking and observing the beauty around me.

It’s scary to be left alone with your thoughts, especially when you’re an overthinker like me and the voices aren’t necessarily kind. But I learnt that the best way to take ownership of these unhelpful thoughts is to allow them to do their thing, acknowledge them, process them, and then let it go.

Moreover, solo hiking taught me resilience and self-reliance. Navigating unfamiliar terrains and facing physical challenges alone boosted my confidence and reinforced the importance of self-care. It was a powerful reminder that taking time for oneself is not a luxury, but a necessity.

One of the most profound lessons from my garden leave was learning to let go of the guilt associated with relaxation and unproductivity. In a society that glorifies busyness and constant achievement, the idea of doing nothing felt almost rebellious.

Initially, I struggled with the concept of unstructured time. My internal critic would chastise me for not using every moment productively. However, as the weeks went by, I began to understand the value of downtime. Rest and relaxation were not synonymous with laziness; they were essential components of a balanced and healthy life.

Embracing relaxation meant rethinking my relationship with time. I allowed myself to indulge in activities purely for pleasure: reading, perusing charity shops, cooking overcomplicated recipes, or playing on my Nintendo Switch while letting a face mask do its magic. These moments of stillness and leisure rejuvenated me in ways that frantic productivity never could.

Letting go of guilt also meant redefining success. I realised that my worth was not tied to my output or achievements. Success could be found in the quality of my relationships, the richness of my experiences, and the depth of my well-being. By nurturing these aspects of my life, I became more grounded, content, and resilient.

As my garden leave drew to a close, I was determined to integrate the lessons I had learned into my everyday life. Returning to work with a renewed perspective, I made a conscious effort to prioritise mental health, embrace nature, and cherish relaxation.

Therapy remains a regular part of my routine, providing ongoing support and a space for reflection. I continue to hike regularly, making time for solo excursions. Most importantly, I practice self-compassion and resist the urge to equate my value with my productivity.

Garden leave was a gift that allowed me to step back and re-evaluate my life. It taught me that taking care of my mental health is not a sign of weakness, but a strength that enables me to thrive both personally and professionally. By setting boundaries, embracing solitude, and letting go of guilt, I have found a more sustainable and fulfilling way to live.

In a world that often prioritises speed and efficiency, my experience stands as a testament to the power of slowing down. It is a reminder that true wellbeing comes from nurturing the mind, body, and soul, and that sometimes, the most productive thing we can do is to simply be.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

Images: Evelyn Richards