You might know it as a shortness of breath or a quickening heart. Or perhaps it’s that all-too-familiar knot that sets up shop in the pit of your stomach. Whatever its symptoms, anxiety is startlingly common, affecting one in six of us. And therapists aren’t immune.

I’ve been a cognitive behavioural therapist for 25 years. I’ve helped countless people cope with mental health conditions and spoken to audiences of thousands about how to manage their mental health as a thought leader in this field. Even so, it doesn’t matter whether I’m facing a Zoom panel or a conference theatre full of faces; I’m gripped by anxiety every time.

I’ll never forget the first time I had to speak in public. It was a keynote speech in Bulgaria at a World Congress in front of 3,000 people. There were lots of high-profile people from the world of psychology in the audience – and they were all going to listen to me speak. I felt intimidated. I was supposed to be a therapist at the top of my game. My job was to be able to speak to anyone about almost anything, and to remain calm and in control while I did so. So I felt ashamed about my anxiety and my nerves – I worried that my shaking legs, the beads of sweat on my forehead and my trembling voice might expose me to my peers as a fraud, as ‘not good enough’. 

I wish I knew then what I understand so deeply now: that nobody is immune from mental health difficulties (not even therapists). And it’s that insidious fear of being judged or shamed for our struggles that prevents so many of us from seeking help. Which is why I’m determined to speak up to encourage others to access the support they need.

Nine in 10 people living with a mental health condition face stigma, and three in five do not seek support because they’re worried about how they will be perceived by others.

I’ve worked with countless patients over the years who have confirmed this trend. For many people, booking their first appointment and having that first therapy session is something they’ve avoided for months, even years. And all because they’re concerned about what others will think of them, or because they felt they weren’t ‘poorly enough’ to seek help. But mental health is a spectrum – no two people are the same and there is no barometer to determine who is ‘worthy’ of help and who isn’t. If there’s something you want to speak to a therapist about, you should take that step. Only by normalising therapy can we end the stigma still often associated with mental health, and make asking for help – an act that can make us feel vulnerable – an easier step to take. 

What’s also critical is that we ensure the resources are in place to answer people’s calls for help and service demand for therapy. Nearly one in four patients are forced to wait more than 12 weeks to start mental health treatment on the NHS, research suggests. And rising NHS waits coupled with rising living costs are creating the perfect storm for a mental health crisis, exacerbating mental health conditions for those who can’t afford to go private. Patients in need can’t wait any longer.

To make it cheaper, easier and quicker for people to access mental health support, a key first step is to increase funding for NHS mental health services, and crack open new routes to care. Employers have a crucial role to play. By offering mental health support (including therapy) as part of employees’ health benefits packages, employers can help people access and afford support more quickly. Specialist providers like Oliva already exist to make it easy for employers to provide immediate and long-term mental health support to teams.

Finally, to empower more people to speak up and seek support, talking about our mental health struggles is crucial. We’ve come a long way in recent years when it comes to speaking more openly about mental health and therapy. But there are still lots of people who feel as though they’re not sick enough to be seen by a therapist or believe that therapy doesn’t apply to them.

For example, I’ve often found that it’s people like me (who perhaps suffer from low-level anxiety, burnout or stress) who are far less likely to seek professional help, for fear of friends or colleagues labelling them as somebody with a ‘mental health problem’. They worry they’re not ‘unwell enough’ for therapy. But for these people, therapy can still be hugely useful.

I don’t have depression; I’ve never had a mental health crisis. But I still benefit a huge amount from therapy. I see it as preventative as well as a cure. Therapy is for everyone, and if you think you might benefit from it, it’s probably something you should consider trying to pursue.

Whether we’re stricken by anxiety at the very thought of a work presentation or feeling low for no apparent reason, sharing our own experiences with others is a powerful way to normalise all kinds of mental health problems, face down stigma and encourage others to speak up.

I’ll never forget how I felt before that keynote speech in Bulgaria. Since then, the symptoms I experience before I speak in public haven’t changed, but the way that I manage my anxiety has.

Feelings of anxiety are normal. It’s easy to forget that this is the case when waves of anxiety come rushing in. But, these days, before stepping out onto the stage (and often at multiple points during presentations), I make a conscious effort to remind myself that my symptoms are an important part of my body’s natural stress response. A moderate amount of stress helps us to function at our best – whether we’re on stage, in an interview or in an exam.

I wish I could tell my past self not to feel ashamed of my anxiety. Anxiety is normal: it’s what we do about it that counts. I’ve made it my career to help others find ways to better manage their mental health. And there are things every one of us can do to move the dial and help more people access support. The first is being honest about our struggles, no matter how small we might think they are. How you are feeling might resonate deeply with somebody else. The other is to encourage those closest to us to take that step to seek help if they need it, so that they get the care they need and we help end the stigma for good.

Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.

If you or someone you know is struggling with their mental health, you can find support and resources on the mental health charity Mind’s website and NHS Every Mind Matters or access the NHS’ list of mental health helplines and services.

If you are struggling with your mental health, you can also ask your GP for a referral to NHS Talking Therapies, or you can self-refer.

For confidential support, you can also call the Samaritans in the UK on 116 123 or email jo@samaritans.org. In a crisis, call 999.

Images: courtesy of Dr Sarah Bateup