Credit: Sara Radin
Frame Of Mind
“I was diagnosed with ADHD and OCD at 34 – these are 4 lessons it taught me”
By Sara Radin
3 months ago
5 min read
In a piece for Processing, a Stylist Frame of Mind series, Sara Radin shares what she learned from being diagnosed with ADHD and OCD in her 30s.
Content note: this piece contains references to suicidal ideation and body-focused repetitive behaviours that readers might find upsetting.
“No one heals harder than you,” my friend once said. Over the course of seven years, I tried various therapists and therapies, physical and wellness activities, an array of psychiatric meds, and more. However, most of the time, my mood was low and my anxiety was up.
It felt like I’d tried everything, but I still didn’t feel any lasting relief. Day by day, I tried to ward off feelings of anxiety and depression, but they always came back full throttle. Conversations with my therapist were cyclical and nothing was getting me to the other side of the wall. I felt like I was on a never-ending hamster wheel.
Somehow – like many of my neurodivergent peers – I mostly masked the discomfort until I simply couldn’t anymore. For over a year, I was picking and gnawing at skin all over my body, often to the extent that I caused wounds and infections. I was in deep physical and emotional pain. I decided I needed a new opinion, and at the ripe old age of 34, I was diagnosed with OCD and ADHD, which was a shock to the system. I already knew I had complex post-traumatic stress disorder and social anxiety. Why hadn’t these things been caught sooner?
It’s incredibly brave to make changes and seek out help
The grief I felt over learning this information in my mid-30s sent me into a spiral. Dark thoughts littered my brain and I could barely function. Quickly, my life started to unravel as I became suicidal and lost my job. At the same time, I somehow found the strength to advocate for myself and get on the right healing path. The journey has been slow and tedious, but along the way, I’ve learned that my OCD requires specialised treatment called exposure and response prevention (ERP). For some people, traditional talking therapy can encourage the OCD cycle, which explains why I could never get to the other side of my anxieties.
From there, I decided to undergo intensive treatment, which helped me get back on track. I’ve started specialised trauma treatment – prolonged exposure (PE) – and I’m still sorting out my ADHD, but I’ve definitely made some strides. Having a smattering of challenges can make it hard to break through, but I’m back at work now and enjoying my life more and more. While the recovery journey has been long, and it’s still very much ongoing, I’ve learned a lot along the way. Here are four of the biggest lessons.
Credit: Sara Radin
It’s vital to recognise how resilient you are
Take it from someone who feels like they’ve been healing forever: progress can be really, really slow. But each step is a new path forward. Choosing the path of healing means facing the hard stuff, and making life changes that should benefit you down the road. It means staying aware of what you’re avoiding, what’s serving you and what’s not.
Maybe sometimes you’ll try something and it doesn’t work. It’s all part of the process. Remembering this is definitely something I need to work on. Whatever you do, recognise how resilient you are. It’s incredibly brave to make changes and seek out help for your mental wellbeing. You are worthy of recovering and living an easier, full life.
Taking time off to take care of yourself does not make you a failure
For so long I’ve had a failure complex, which is linked to my own inner critic and chronic trauma. When I lost my job and had to go to treatment, I felt like I’d let everyone – especially myself – in my life down. I was more worried about how I looked to others than how I felt. I couldn’t accept where I was at, which made everything feel a lot worse. I’d put pressure on myself to be perfect, and I couldn’t let go of that and lean into the journey.
Over time, I’ve learned to be more gentle with myself and practise radical acceptance and self-compassion in small ways. I now see my path as one filled with strength and courage. Though my brain may try to still convince me I’m a failure at times, I know better than to believe it. Now, I’m hopeful that over time, my fears and challenges will lessen as I continue on this path.
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You may feel lonely but you’re never really alone
Being alone is another core fear of mine. I’m 35 now, single, and working for myself from a home where I live alone. I spend a lot of time solo (but with my cats). At night, I tend to feel more fearful of my thoughts. This is because for so long, being alone meant having more intense thoughts.
Now that my health is more on track, I can recognise that although I may feel lonely at times, I’m never really fully alone. I have a full, vibrant community I can tap into – whether that’s virtually coworking with someone or calling a friend, I feel lucky to have a robust social life. I’m still forging my path and there’s always someone new to meet or befriend.
Trust your skills
Since attending treatment, I’ve learned that skill-based therapy works best for me. Thanks to ERP, dialectical behavioural therapy (DBT), cognitive behavioural therapy (CBT) and acceptance commitment therapy (ACT), I have an ever-growing toolbox.
Over time, I’ve realised that whenever I fall off from doing my skills, my mental health gets a lot worse. However, it’s never too late to use them. They’re always there for me to tap into, even on hard days.
Frame Of Mind is Stylist’s home for all things mental health and the mind. From expert advice on the small changes you can make to improve your wellbeing to first-person essays and features on topics ranging from autism to antidepressants, we’ll be exploring mental health in all its forms. You can check out the series home page to get started.
Images: courtesy of Sara Radin
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