If there’s one thing you can always count on at Christmas, it’s some distant relative asking a wildly inappropriate question. The combination of festive cheer and a few too many glasses of prosecco seems to make people forget boundaries exist, bringing all the sensitive topics you’d never discuss normally straight onto the table.

And that’s especially true when it comes to questions about health. From weight to fertility, the festive period tends to bring with it a lot of invasive curiosity. And that can be hard to deal with.

“Emotions are naturally amplified during the holidays, and that can lead to more personal and invasive questions,” explains Dr Becky Spelman, a psychologist and founder of The Private Therapy Clinic. “It’s because people feel more open or curious about others’ lives in emotionally charged settings.” 

But being asked invasive questions about your health isn’t just frustrating; it can be deeply upsetting. Private topics are just that – private – and you shouldn’t feel pressured to share everything that’s going on just because it’s Christmas. 

So, to help you navigate these invasive questions, we asked Spelman to share her top tips for dealing with health-related questions this festive season. 

If you know there’s one person who always asks uncomfortable questions, a little advance preparation to deal with them and their queries can help to reduce anxiety and discomfort.

“Think about the people or situations that might lead to stress and plan how to deal with them,” Dr Spelman recommends. This planning could involve coming up with a toolkit of responses or people you can turn to if things get difficult. 

For example, Dr Spelman says: “You could use humour to deflect these questions or politely but firmly change the subject. Another approach is to acknowledge the concern but gently steer the conversation away from personal topics.”

If you’re afraid of being asked specific questions – for example, about a health condition you’ve been dealing with or a treatment plan you’ve been navigating – then preparing for these situations can also help.

“This can include rehearsing answers to possible questions, setting boundaries for what you’re comfortable discussing and identifying allies who can support you in conversations,” she says.

Keeping the peace isn’t worth it if it leaves you feeling violated, so know that it’s OK to assert your boundaries around subjects you’re not comfortable discussing.

“It’s important to feel empowered to assert your boundaries,” Dr Spelman says. “A polite and firm response, such as expressing gratitude for the concern but indicating a desire not to discuss personal matters, can be effective. If necessary, you can educate the questioner about why such topics are sensitive without getting into the personal details.”

To assert your boundaries properly, you’ll need to identify them in the first place. To do this, it might be worth sitting down before you get into the hustle and bustle of the festivities – simply coming up with a mental list of the topics you know are off-limits is a good place to start.  

These kinds of conversations can be triggering, so make sure to give yourself space if you’re finding them hard to cope with. You don’t need to kick up a big fuss if you don’t want to – simply excusing yourself or heading out for a quick walk will help to provide a breather.

Recognising and identifying your triggers ahead of time can also help, Dr Spelman says. “Give yourself permission to feel your emotions and practising self-compassion can also help to manage the stress and discomfort caused by invasive questions,” she adds. This might look like journaling after a difficult conversation to work through what happened or sharing your feelings with a trusted person.

You could also use an emotion wheel to acknowledge what you’re feeling, which can help you to work through what’s going on and the feelings building up and worsening in the long run.  

Images: Getty