There’s huge pressure to look the absolute best you’ve ever looked on your wedding day. Brides are subject to the most intense scrutiny, whether it’s colleagues asking what we’re wearing on the day, mates commenting on hair choices or family members offering ‘helpful’ slimming tips.

With 414,208 posts using the hashtag #ShreddingForTheWedding and 683,334 posts under the hashtag #BridalBeauty on Instagram, social media is one big endless scroll of photoshopped pictures of what society deems to be the ‘perfect-looking bride’. 

Google ‘wedding weight loss’ and over 100 million results will pop up, suggesting that diet culture and weddings go hand-in-hand. A 2008 Cornell study found that 70% of brides-to-be wanted to lose weight (an average of 10kg) and 14% of the women surveyed (who’d already bought their dress) purposely bought a wedding dress one or more sizes smaller than their then-current dress size.

I’m getting married next year and, if I’m honest, the temptation to slim down a little is definitely there. I’ve only tried on a few dresses so far, but each time I’ve looked back at the photos, I’ve been quick to point out which dresses cling to my stomach or make me look bigger. Even though I consider myself to have a generally positive relationship with my body, I can’t help but focus on these perceived flaws. Thank you, diet culture.

Deep down, I know that I shouldn’t waste a single minute of this exciting and special time in the lead-up to my wedding on worrying about shrinking my body. Yet so many of us do.

Last week, I went away on BXR’s fitness retreat to Daios Cove, in Crete. Consisting of five gruelling workouts a day – including everything from strength and conditioning to boxing and pilates – the aim of the week was to challenge my body (and mind) to go heavier, faster and deeper than usual. 

And, reader, it may not shock you to learn that even with all this exercise and a strictly controlled diet, I didn’t lose any weight. What I gained, however, was a new outlook on how I want to look – and feel – on my wedding day.

Somewhere between flipping a tyre, deadlifting 85kg and actually getting my ‘jab, cross, hook’ combination in the correct order, I started questioning when exactly ‘looking your best’ on your wedding day became short for ‘being thin and hungry’? 

Why do I need to become a thinner version of myself on what’s meant to be ‘The Happiest Day Of My Life’? 

It’s that question that influencer and fitness trainer Tally Rye has been tackling in her podcast series called The Anti-Diet Bride.

“When I got engaged, I received an overwhelming number of questions about how I’m going to feel about my body and finding a dress. When you get engaged, the pressure to look a certain way just falls under a magnifying glass and ramps up a level,” she says.

On the podcast, Rye chats with other brides and experts in the wedding industry. In her most recent episode, she interviews her wedding photographer, offering tips on how to feel comfortable in front of the camera and discussing what makes a great wedding shot, all through an anti-diet lens. 

“I wanted to create a space online where brides would hear, ‘You’re lovely as you are – you don’t have to change yourself.’”

That pressure is as real off-line as it is on social media. “I hear a lot of people say they feel the pressure from their mum or mother-in-law, who’ll say things like, ‘Oh, you’re not eating that are you?’” Rye says.

And then there’s the whole saga that is dress shopping. There are few things worse than trying to squeeze yourself into the one sample size available in store.

“I’ve only been to two wedding dress shops, but I’ve only had lovely experiences – and I think that’s because I was very upfront with them,” says Rye. “I told them that I’m comfortable in my body right now and I’m not doing anything before the wedding to change it.

“I also went in with the expectation that the sample dresses wouldn’t fit me. I’m a size UK 14 – which is smaller than the UK national average – and while the lady in the store did a really good job of hiding it, I knew that none of the dresses I tried on did up at the back. Sample size dresses are rubbish; I know brides who are a size UK 8 and even they can’t get in these dresses.”

Her advice if you’re worried about wedding dress shopping? “Communication is key. I think it’s really worth getting in touch with the bridal shop before you go and saying (either on the phone or via email) that you’re a size X and you just want to make sure there’ll be samples for you to try on.

“If you’re feeling a bit sensitive about your body image, it’s also worth saying so – and ask them not to talk about it.” 

Rye also recommends bringing people with you who are only going to ask you how you feel in the dress, rather than offering unsolicited comments about how you look. 

It’s this sentiment – to focus on how you feel – that particularly resonates with me. During my week-long fitness retreat, I felt a bit sore and fatigued, but I also felt bloody powerful. I squatted heavier than I’ve ever done before –  and with a mega-watt grin all over my face. It was proof that focusing on fueling my body to move well feels so much more empowering and confidence-boosting than any unrealistic pre-wedding diet.     

So as I vow to add more strength training into my fitness routine and focus on the things that make me feel my best and most confident self, let me remind any brides-to-be out there that you – just as you are now – is the version that your partner is in love with. They proposed to you in this body – and you are loved just as you are, no matter the number on the scale.

Images: Getty