“Why do I get stressed so easily when I’m around my family at Christmas?” A psychologist explains

A woman looking stressed sat at home at Christmas

Credit: Getty

Strong Women


“Why do I get stressed so easily when I’m around my family at Christmas?” A psychologist explains

By Lauren Geall

3 months ago

4 min read

Ever wondered why you get overwhelmed so easily when you’re around family at Christmas? Here, a psychologist explains what’s going on with your stress levels and how to manage it.

Welcome back to Just Curious, Strong Women’s weekly series exploring all the random health and fitness questions you’ve always wondered about but never got the answers to.

This week, we’re exploring why Christmas with family brings out our stressy sides, and how to keep things under control.


Picture the scene: it’s 4pm on Christmas Day, lunch is finished and everyone’s had a couple (or a couple too many) glasses of prosecco. Before you know it, someone’s cracked open the Monopoly, and the tension starts to build: one minute, you’re discussing the morality of amassing enormous wealth as a landlord, and the next, you’re on the receiving end of a few snide comments from your auntie about your love life.

In a normal situation, you’d let it slide, but this is Christmas, and you can already feel your stress levels beginning to build. When someone asks you to fetch them a drink “with less lemon this time, thank you very much” you just about manage to hold it in before heading upstairs and screaming into your pillow.

Getting the chance to spend time with family at Christmas may be a blessing, but it can also be incredibly stressful. Even the most rational among us can find it hard to stay patient when we’re dealing with demanding relatives, probing questions and festive disagreements. 

But it’s not just the big things that can cause an issue – many people find that even the smallest transgressions can leave them feeling overwhelmed at Christmastime. So, why do we get stressed so easily when we’re around family? And is there anything we can do about it? We asked Dr Elena Touroni, a consultant psychologist and co-founder of The Chelsea Psychology Clinic, to explain. 


Why does it feel so much harder to keep your stress levels under control around family at Christmas? 

family at christmas dinner

Credit: Getty

If you feel like a kettle that’s seconds away from boiling as soon as you step foot inside your family’s house at Christmas, you’re not alone. Dr Touroni says there are several factors at play that can make it much easier for us to feel stressed out and overwhelmed.

“Family interactions can stir up deep-seated emotions because of shared history and long-standing patterns,” she says. “We often revert to older roles or dynamics, which can be frustrating or triggering, especially if there are unresolved tensions.”

She continues: “The expectation to ‘get along’ during the holidays can also amplify stress, as we might suppress our true feelings to avoid conflict, creating internal tension. And added pressures, such as financial strain, hosting responsibilities and disrupted routines, can compound the stress.”

It’s also important to note that Christmas can bring up tricky feelings around nostalgia and grief, which can make it even harder for people to regulate their emotions. 

What’s happening inside our bodies when this happens? 

Physiologically, all this heightened expectation can lead to a permanent state of stress. “Our body activates the fight-or-flight response, releasing cortisol and adrenaline,” Dr Touroni says.

While dealing with the odd high stress moment isn’t an issue, dealing with this response time and time again – or worse, remaining stuck in it for hours on end – can lead to further issues.

“It can leave us feeling physically drained, emotionally raw and more prone to outbursts,” Dr Touroni adds. “Our prefrontal cortex, which helps with rational thinking, can also be less effective under prolonged stress, making it harder to stay calm.” 

What are your top tips for keeping your stress levels under control? 

A woman sat next to the christmas tree

Credit: Getty

Before Christmas even begins, take a moment to make a plan of action. Dr Touroni recommends taking three simple steps to prepare yourself and keep your stress levels under control.

  • Set boundaries ahead of time: “Decide in advance how long you’ll spend with family or how you’ll respond to common triggers,” she says. “Knowing your limits can help you stay in control.”
  • Create moments of solitude: “Step away when needed – take a short walk or spend a few minutes alone in a quiet space,” she suggests. “This gives your brain and body a chance to reset.”
  • Focus on what you can control: “You can’t change others’ behaviour, but you can manage your response,” she explains. “Reframing negative thoughts and practising gratitude can help shift your mindset.” 

What should you do if your stress levels cause you to lash out or react? 

We all have those moments when our stress levels get the better of us, leaving us feeling embarassed, hurt and exposed. So, what’s the best way to remedy the situation?

Dr Touroni recommends taking a moment to pause and acknowledge what’s happened – reminding yourself that it’s OK to mess up – before trying to fix the situation. “Acknowledge your feelings and take responsibility without over-apologising,” she suggests. “For example, ‘I’m sorry for reacting that way – it’s been a stressful day, and I’m working on managing it better.’

“Once calm, think about what triggered you and how you might handle it differently next time. Treat yourself with compassion – learning from these moments is key to growth.” 


Images: Getty

A weekly dose of expert-backed tips on everything from gut health to running, plus receive our 8-week beginner’s guide to strength training.

By signing up you agree to occasionally receive offers and promotions from Stylist. Newsletters may contain online ads and content funded by carefully selected partners. Don’t worry, we’ll never share or sell your data. You can opt-out at any time. For more information read Stylist’s Privacy Policy

Thank you!

You’re now subscribed to all our newsletters. You can manage your subscriptions at any time from an email or from a MyStylist account.