If Christmas was anything like it is in the movies, we’d all be spending a couple of days in some snowy, remote town with our friends and family, enjoying lots of good food and possibly the odd meet cute.

In reality, however, Christmas tends to be fraught with tension. One moment you’re having a nice chat with some distant aunt about work, and the next, you’re being asked why you’re single or when you’re going to have kids. 

The day itself is a blur of helping out in the kitchen, trying to keep the peace and working out how you’ll get to watch the one thing on TV actually worth sitting through. And just when you think it’s all over, someone spills red wine down your nan’s new white coat.

It’s enough to leave the most level-headed of people feeling completely suffocated, but is there any way to make this feeling easier to deal with? To find out, we spoke to Jade Thomas, psychotherapist and founder of Luxe Psychology Practice.

If you’re struggling to stay calm because of how much you’re juggling, take a moment to create a priorities list. This should help you to feel more in control of everything that’s going on and stop you from having extra responsibilities piled on your plate at the last minute.

“If you are someone who gets overwhelmed or easily stressed, making a list is a good idea,” Thomas says. “Try to break each task down and get other family members to help if they can, rather than taking on all the responsibility yourself. This should help you to feel more in control of all the demands and overwhelm of the festive period.”

A good priorities list doesn’t need to be complicated – it just needs to give you clarity over the main tasks you’re responsible for and the ones that need to get done. For example, having enough food to cater for friends and family might be essential, but popping out to get that special bottle of wine your aunt loves probably isn’t. If you’ve got time, you can do those non-essential things, but a priorities list will give you more breathing space to start with.

Writing it down on a piece of paper as opposed to keeping it in your head will also help you to sort through everything that’s going on upstairs.

When everyone’s together in one space, even the smallest things can start to become annoying. Over time, those tensions have the tendency to build into much bigger issues; taking a break from all the chaos can help to prevent this escalation.

Knowing when you need a breather is particularly important if you struggle with frustration, Thomas says. “If you know you are someone who tends to have a short fuse, remove yourself from the situation and take a break and some deep breaths before returning,” she recommends. “This will help you to process your frustrations and anger in a calm way.”

Getting out of the house – for a walk or another form of outdoor exercise – can also be hugely beneficial, even if it’s with the people who are annoying you. Walking and talking is proven to help us work through issues, and the fresh air will do everyone the world of good.

Giving yourself time to recharge your social batteries is also important, especially if you’re a natural introvert. Taking yourself to a separate room for a 20-minute break or offering to make everyone a cup of tea so you can have some time to yourself are both great ways to get some space and recharge so you’re ready to get involved in all the festive fun. 

At Christmas, many of us try to do everything all at once, leaving us feeling stressed and burnt out after all the festivities. To avoid this, Thomas recommends identifying what is important to you about this time of year and keeping that in mind as the days go by.

“Often we get swept up in the excitement and all the festive activities going on that we look past what is most important to us at this time of year,” she says. “Try to identify what is really important to you and place your focus on that.”

Your values might include anything from spending time with specific family members to getting the opportunity to relax or making sure you get everyone involved in the fun – anything that makes you feel Christmassy and in the spirit. Once you’ve identified these values, you can choose to push aside any demands or responsibilities that don’t sit within these areas, which will inevitably help you to feel more in control and present. 

If you’re a perfectionist by nature, trying to shift your perspective and release control over the situation will likely help you to feel a little less frazzled and avoid potential conflicts with those around you. A simple way to do this is by assessing your ‘should’ statements.

Thomas explains: “Try to recognise when you are making ‘should’ statements such as ‘We should go and visit…’ and instead try asking yourself what you want to do in the moment. Try changing your internal dialogue to something like: ‘It would be nice if we were to visit…’.”

By transforming the tasks on your lists from must-dos to optional extras, you not only take the pressure off yourself, but you help alleviate any expectations for the people around you to behave a certain way. As much as we want to make things happen for everyone, that’s not always possible, and allowing yourself to take your foot off the pedal just a little can be beneficial for everyone, not just you. 

Images: Getty