“She scares me so much”

This week’s The Face saw Teams Naomi, Erin and Caroline battle it out to star in a luxury car advert directed by Robbie Savage. There were tears, there was shouting and, in some cases, there was actual blood. But who would win the tricky task of “walking with a sense of rivalry” (I josh but I just tried it in my slipper socks and it’s not at all easy). Let’s break it down by team shall we?

Squeezed into £30,000 haute couture by Dutch designer Iris van Herpen, the girls looked incredible but unfortunately the only energy to be found was Erin desperately shouting/pleading behind the monitor. Elaine in particular was singled out for a blank running face.

As Naomi haughtily remarked, Caroline’s group of Care Bears were laughing and joking throughout their hour-long shoot (Naomi wouldn’t stand for it you know. She really wouldn’t). And while this camaraderie is a beautiful thing to behold, it doesn’t translate into high-concept ads about models elbowing each other IN THE FACE to get to a car.

In complete contrast, Emma and Racquel (in a wince-inducing metal dress that left a trail of blood behind her) really don’t have to act when it comes to giving each other looks that could kill. Looks that become even more loaded when you recall Racquel’s cheerful comment that former teammate Chloe is now dead (she does clarify that’s within the context of the competition FYI). Battling each other across the sound stage tooth and nail? Done. Just don’t give them flick knives.

Naomi. The scream she emits upon winning is unlike any sound a human has ever made. Ever. Caroline looks fed up and Erin looks physically sick. Her girls haven’t won a single challenge and we’re now four weeks in. Oh Erin. Naomi congratulates her girls by spending 11 minutes pretending that they’ve lost. I actually fear for their sanity when she reveals the truth. I think there’s some sort of UN treaty that bans this kind of thing. “Did I get you?” Yes, Naomi. It’s safe to say you got them.

Erin nominates Elaine who really needs to step up her game. Caroline chooses Brooke whose lack of fight and slow running made her an easy gazelle to pick off. The editors of the programme valiantly attempt to create tension but we all know the truth. Naomi has waited three long weeks to take down Caroline’s team and Brooke is going to be eaten alive in the room of decisions. Brooke whimpers “She scares me”. So she should Brooke, so she should.

But in a moment of old-school style, Naomi is gracious to both girls encouraging Brooke to carry on modelling even if she’s off the show. Sniff. Just when you thought you had her pegged, Naomi reels you back in…

See you next week with notebooks at the ready at 9pm on Mondays, Sky Living