Anyone hoping to lose themselves in some soothing mixing and calming dough wrangling after the double bank holiday was in for a surprise tonight, thanks to a particularly tumultuous week of celebrities attempting to bake. And a lot of innuendoes. 

This week saw former Girls Aloud singer Nadine Coyle, presenter Anneka Rice, presenter and wheelchair basketball player Ade Adepitan and comedian John Bishop try their luck in the tent. And it’s fair to say none of them are going to put Nadiya Hussain out of a job. 

In fact, with the exception of Anneka I’m not sure any of them had ever even set foot in a kitchen before – they somehow almost all created chocolate cakes that didn’t taste of chocolate.

John Bishop encouraged the chaos in this final episode of the series, not least by smashing his Kitchen Aid bowl within two seconds of turning it on. But particular credit must go to Nadine Coyle (and her wonderful pronunciation of flour) who hadn’t bothered to practise so she “didn’t get too nervous”.  Which is the sort of twisted logic I could find myself falling for. She barely flapped when  her financiers fell on the floor, and made the wonderful observation that: “baking is supposed to be relaxing. This is like an extreme sport.”

Another unexpected thing I enjoyed tonight was that none of this week’s contestants were even slightly competitive: “I’ve practised it in my mind” confessed Ade. Usually there’s at least one celebrity (James McAvoy I’m looking at you) who is, secretly and fiercely, determined to win. But tonight I got the impression they all just wanted to get through it alive – with star baker Anneka Rice proving herself the most enthusiastic person in England, even offering to clean the carpet after spilling creme pat all over it. 

And did anyone else get emotional after the communal choux buns disasters when John ran to help Nadine and Anneka gave Ade a hand? (I’ve had a long few days…)

I think we all need to go and “bury our faces in Nadine’s moist sponge” now. 

The Great British Bake Off for Stand Up To Cancer is on All 4

Images: Channel 4