Where were you on 23 March 2020? It’s unlikely any of us will ever forget what we were doing as the then prime minister, Boris Johnson, announced the first UK lockdown of the Covid-19 pandemic. It was a day that few of us had seen coming – but it became apparent during the months that followed that not only was the lockdown necessary, but it was arguably overdue. 

Now, five years on, the BBC reveals its new documentary, Love And Loss: The Pandemic 5 Years On. Directed by multi-award nominee Catey Sexton, the programme is a deeply personal look at the stories of those who lost loved ones to the virus, and it makes for poignant but important viewing. Sensitively handled, Sexton builds a rapport with the families featured and manages to balance heartbreaking grief with a sense of allyship and a dose of good humour, reminiscent of the pendulum-swinging emotions we all went through on the daily as we grappled with our new normal. 

It’s a stark reminder as we (for the most part) continue to live our lives as we did before, for many thousands of families, life has been irrevocably changed. But it’s not all bleak: the bereaved share treasured happy memories of their loved ones, and it’s clear that they gain some comfort from talking about them with others who’ve experienced similar feelings of grief, shock and guilt. 

Let’s take a look at the key lessons we’ve learned from the pandemic and examine some of the takeaways from the powerful documentary. 

Covid caused the biggest loss of life in the UK since the second world war

The documentary begins with a stark reminder of just how many people died during the pandemic. Volunteers pin photos of those who passed away to the National Covid Memorial Wall opposite the Houses of Parliament – a tribute that stretches over a third of a mile and features a lovingly painted red heart for each of the approximately 245,000 people who died. It’s difficult to comprehend the numbers: the daily death toll announcements became a fixture of our evenings, and it’s easy to forget how steeply the figures rose in the first few weeks of the pandemic. 

We blindly trusted the government and its advisors 

Watching the documentary brings back so many emotions, not least the sense of helplessness and fear that overwhelmed many of us, particularly in those early lockdown days. No one really knew how the virus spread, how badly we were likely to be affected or how many of us were going to die. In the five years since, it’s become clear that even those in charge had very little clue as to what was needed. We were all totally unprepared for a pandemic. 

And putting blind faith in the government and the experts led to tragedy at times. One family speaks poignantly about their father dying in their living room alone, not wanting to put pressure on the already overwhelmed NHS. Mistakenly trusting that he would be OK, the sense of guilt among those left behind is palpable: we were all just doing as we were told, but it really was a case of the blind leading the blind in those early days. 

Key workers were risking their lives every day

We all remember the Thursday evening doorstep clapping for the NHS, pictures of rainbows chalked on pavements and the messages to stay home and protect the NHS – but time passes, and it’s easy to forget that our key workers really were on the front line. At the time, the news that nurses were dying was particularly shocking, especially when they were young, fit and healthy. 

We hear about the tragic story of Becky, a nurse and mum of three, who contracted the virus while pregnant with her fourth baby in early 2021, dying shortly after medical staff decided to deliver her baby via caesarean section. Similarly, there are bus drivers, care home workers, factory workers and more who left their families behind every day and risked not only their health but the lives of their loved ones, too. 

The vaccines changed everything – but divided the nation

In early summer 2021, there was a glimmer of hope when all adults in the UK were offered a Covid vaccine. The vaccine rollout was to prove pivotal in the trajectory of the pandemic, but it also proved divisive, with some choosing to remain unvaccinated. We meet the twin sister of a man whose mental health was so badly affected by the lockdowns that he rejected the jabs, eventually contracting the virus and passing away.  

The pain of not being able to say a proper goodbye lives on 

For many of the bereaved, their pain is centred around not being allowed to say goodbye to their loved ones. Sexton describes travelling to her mother’s care home after learning she was poorly, only to arrive and find that she wasn’t allowed in: saying goodbye through a window pane will stay with her forever. 

Even those who fought the restrictions to be with the dying faced the threat of sanctions. Becky’s mum, who is now raising all four of Becky’s children, speaks tearfully of holding her daughter as she died, wanting her to leave the world the same way she entered it, and her gratitude that she was able to do so. It’s difficult to watch, and even harder to comprehend how a little girl will understand never knowing her mum. 

There’s comfort in community

Despite the clear pain and heartache of the bereaved, there’s a sense that we’re still finding comfort in our shared experience. There are moving moments of connection and the sharing of a common pain within the documentary. These serve as a reminder that even though many of us lost loved ones alone, we’re not alone in our journey of grief.

One lady describes how she worries about “wearing friends’ patience thin”, talking about her husband four years on, and she describes how spending time repainting the heart symbols with other bereaved families means she can leave those worries aside. Another bereaved wife describes how her late husband’s allotment has become a place of solace for her as she grieves. Others are channelling their energy into campaigning for justice amid the long-running enquiry into the pandemic.

Love And Loss: The Pandemic 5 Years On is a vital look at a time in our lives we will never forget. However we choose to carry on, the abiding message is that our grief runs deep and will never go away. Put simply, we miss them. Life may feel more normal again now, but we remain forever changed. 

Love And Loss: The Pandemic 5 Years On will air on BBC One on 24 March at 8.30pm 

Images: BBC